Bklyn wrote:What Gator is describing are two people too broke to split up and try to find a place to live on their own, when neither of them can do that.
What IB is describing is a woman with a job and a man unemployed and she's tired of carrying his water, since she can survive without his dead weight (the "I can do bad by myself, why do I need you" principle).
Typically, it is simply a matter of terrible timing.
Married couple is happy. Young parents, very young kids, both parents working, her folks or his folks pitching in to watch their grandchildren, lots of vacations, everything is hunky-dory, they buy a $500,000 4-bedroom, 3-bath house in 2005.
Ooops. They timed it wrong.
Fast forward to 2012. One of the parents has lost his or her job (doesn't really matter which one) the house they had in 2005, they had to give it up in 2010 (bank foreclosed when they refused to make payments after the 5-year teaser rate went up, and they couldn't refinance since they were upside down by more than $250,000) so the whole family went and moved in with either his parents or (typically) her parents. Their credit is obliterated. They haven't had a vacation in years. Their children are always complaining and crying. What was once a happy marriage is no more because they don't have their "things." Her dad was always able to keep a roof over daughter's head so she can't understand why her husband can't do the same, and her dad tells her to divorce him (even if he never stopped working.)
He doesn't want the divorce. He comes to us to ask us if we can help save his marriage. We have to coax the woman to bother to show up (in most cases, she wont show up, her mind is made up so what's the point) but if they do, they typically get up and walk out of the meeting because any conversation where they start to hear that they need to "settle" is a non-starter for them. One case she brings her father to tell me what an asshole I am being for trying to save the marriage.
Sometimes its worse than just bad timing. I had one where the marriage was going along fine until he found out from a close friend that his wife was having an affair (and had been for a few years.) When he came home from work to talk to her about it, she calls the police. Why? Because she was BPD and was
scared of him. He had never laid a hand on her in his life, but now (after he found out) she's scared? Yeah, she is scared of having a conversation where she is made out to be the bad guy and is responsible for anything. Police show up and tell him that they either have to arrest him right there or he can leave on his own accord. A month later they are divorced and she keeps the house (that he must continue to pay for) and the kids say they want to stay with mom and their "new" daddy (boyfriend who thinks its okay to sleep over now.) That was pretty much the worst I've seen.
And these bitter, divorced men are talking to the single men. And the result is the single men are choosing NOT to get married. I mean look around, marriage rates have really dropped off significantly and to me the most logical reason is that for men,
why should they get married? So, these men turn to internet porn because its "free." I've had to say a couple sermons about the marriage drop-off the past few months (one on porn), I've seen way too many people in the pews crying (mostly young single women who want to get married but have never been asked even once) very depressing.
Feminism: Eve eats ALL the apples, gives God the middle finder when He confronts her, and has the serpent serve Adam with an injunction ordering him to both stay away from her AND to provide her food and shelter because he dragged her out of the Garden.