Auburn Tigers

[Jungle Rat]

More like he wants to give you his load.

[Professor Tiger]

Much better retort. Succinct and clever. Once again, Rat plays the Mozart to hedge's Salieri.

[Professor Tiger]

A good day for former Auburn football players. Cam Newton won the league MVP award and Kevin Greene was selected for the Hall of Fame.

I was a classmate of Greene. We went through ROTC and airborne school together. That maniac persona you always saw on tv was no act.

[hedge]

I'd like to see you airborne as the result of falling on a grenade (hoist by your own petard, so to speak)...

[Professor Tiger]

See, that's another barb that failed due to its tediousness. In the first one, you tried to squeeze "Yellowstone" and "caldera" and "magma" in with the mother lode reference. Now, in the second one, you're trying to cram "falling grenades" and "hoisted petards" into an airborne reference. Try limiting the meandering dead-end rabbit trails in your barbs. Learn something from your better, Rat, who kept it simple, direct, and humorous.

[hedge]

Die

[Professor Tiger]

[youtube]2Rw5MosKRm4[/youtube]

[GBJs]

So, did Cam duck or was he trying to avoid contact with his teammate who was already diving for the ball...

[Professor Tiger]

This is common knowledge, of course, but it bears repeating:

http://www.semesterz.com/college-life/b ... merica/14/

[hedge]

I wish it was common knowledge that you had been repeatedly mauled by a bear...

[10ac]

Why can't you embrace your inner friendliness?

[Professor Tiger]

I wish it was common knowledge that you had been repeatedly mauled by a bear...

I wish you were a gorilla in a zoo playing with a kid who jumped into his cage.

[10ac]

You both have the same wish.

[Professor Tiger]

Now seems like a good time for Professor Tiger to forecast Auburn's 2016 football season.

Once again, Auburn starts the season with a highly suspect defense.

Our long-term defensive sucktitude is most disturbing. AU hasn't had a decent defense 2007. We have had a series of DC's with solid credentials when hired, but whose defenses at Auburn were pure crap. Will Muschamp, crap. Ellis Johnson, crap. Brian Van Goerder, crap. Ted Roof, crap. The latest frog to be kissed is Kevin Steele. But kissing frogs is no assurance of defensive success in 2016. And there is no surer recipe for struggling in the SEC than a bad defense.

On offense, we have no quarterback. There are two candidates at that position. A lot of AU fans are placing their hopes on John Franklin, a 6'1" 186 lb athlete who played JUCO last season. Then there's Sean White, a 3 star recruit who lost the starting job last year after throwing one TD and four INTs last season in seven games he played. With stats like this, the QB situation at Auburn is beyond dismal. The second surest recipe for struggling in the SEC is not having a QB.

There are no talented receivers on the roster either. They replace the graduated WR's that had epic cases of iron hands and are now selling life insurance. Even if our poor quarterbacks ever get the ball close to a wideout, they will bounce off the numbers and the punter will trot out to make the best of a bad situation.

But it gets worse. Our schedule is a medieval torture chamber. We start the 2016 season playing the #2 team from 2015 - Clemson. The SC Tigers return their #1 weapon, Deshaun Watson at QB. We close out the season with the defending national champion, Alabama, in Tuscaloosa.

In between, we play Ole Miss, which is so good they beat Alabama two years in a row. That means the Rebels are about to go on probation, of course, but they have one more year of high quality, and will smack down Auburn before they go back to being Ole Miss. LSU will use their superior talent to run all all over us, like they did with LaFournette last year. Then there's Arkansas, that snuffed out the last best hope for a decent AU season in a 4 OT game. The Hogs always give us fits. Then there's UGA, the team we have a 2-8 record against, that we haven't beaten in Athens since 2005. Kirby Smart is used to beating Auburn like a rented mule when he was wearing a different shade of red at Bama.

That's six losses right there. We might not even be bowl eligible. And if we are, by some miracle, we'll go to Shreveport. Or worse, back to Lesion Field and the Birmingham Bowl. Pure humiliation.

Gentlemen, Auburn is in trouble. We're talking real, no kidding, honest-to-goodness trouble. This might be Malzahn's last season.

[Jungle Rat]

Shut up

[The Gray Ghost]

Are your sermons also bereft of brevity? AA could pile up twice as many reasons why Bammer could finish last in the division in a third of the text.

[hedge]

"This might be Malzahn's last season."

I hope this is your last season...

[Professor Tiger]

Are your sermons also bereft of brevity? AA could pile up twice as many reasons why Bammer could finish last in the division in a third of the text.

Correct. AA is the undisputed master of sandbaggery. I play the Salieri to his Mozart in that regard.

[Jungle Rat]

No. You play the homo who eventually gets killed.

[KeviNole]

I hope John Franklin has some success at AU but it's surprising to see fans so excited about him. He seems like a great kid and worked very hard at FSU, and was integral in helping prepare the defense for dual-threat QBs on the scout team, but was never going to play at down at that position at Florida State.