Ostensibly Hoops

DooKSucks · Post by **DooKSucks** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:37 am

I was so nervous that when I walked into the church and saw the 300+ people I said "oh shit" and I accidentally said her ring vows too because the preacher kept looking at me. We were late to the reception because I had to take a huge anxiety induced shit. Three kegs were floated at one of the bars before we even arrived at the reception. One girl fell and broke her arm after the reception at her house. Another guy went skinny dipping at a friends' house and blew out his right knee. Craig Woolard and the Embers coaxed me into dancing on stage, and I sang Strokin' to my wife at 10:45. She wouldn't have sex with me for a month so the wedding night would be "special." I jacked off at the hotel earlier to make sure I wouldn't bust in less than a minute. That coupled with the 8-9 beers I had ensured I lasted a good long time. She is still walking bow legged. Oh yeah, and one girl ended up coming down to the hotel bar in a t shirt and panties. This marriage started out with a bang.

aTm · Post by **aTm** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:42 am

You made that shit up. The real DS would have mentioned at least one famous person. The jig is up, IMPOSTER!

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:44 am

Don't sass The Embers...

DooKSucks · Post by **DooKSucks** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:48 am

aTm wrote:You made that shit up. The real DS would have mentioned at least one famous person. The jig is up, IMPOSTER!

Well, there was an appellate judge there, a former state senator and a few other local political hacks.

sardis · Post by **sardis** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:54 am

I've been somewhere where the Embers have played, but don't remember where.

Unless there are many bands that call themselves Embers.

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:57 am

They have to have added new members, probably children of the original members. Those guys were playing beach music up and down the NC and SC coast when my parents were teenagers...

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:59 am

"The Embers are honored to carry the moniker of North Carolina’s Official Ambassadors of Music. This group has traveled the country and the world and have performed for every event imaginable from the highest dignitaries to the hottest back yard frat parties."

Not sure where DS's wedding reception fits into this scale of honor...

DooKSucks · Post by **DooKSucks** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 11:00 am

There is only one original left, the drummer. Craig Woolard was with the band for a long time but left and went solo for a decade or so. He is back with the band now. They are a great party band for an event like that.

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 11:03 am

We are hauling corn from William Earl Woolard right now. I bet they are related...

sardis · Post by **sardis** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 11:06 am

I think it was at a construction conference in Sea Trail.

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 11:07 am

The Embers are the Fabulous Baker Boys of beach music. No gig is too small...

Jungle Rat · Post by **Jungle Rat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 11:49 am

I'm amazed none of his 4000 cousins were there. But yeah, he's embellishing a bit I'm sure but he's probably still drunk. Soon he'll realize he fucked the housekeeping lady.

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 12:46 pm

I'm not sure I can ever say I was so stressed I had to take a shit

I'm more of a "who can shit at a time like this" kinda person

AlabamAlum · Post by **AlabamAlum** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 12:47 pm

Ditto.

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 1:02 pm

I can remember going to Panama City with my gf and meeting my roommate who just moved down there. He drove us to a beach and on the way back I had to take a shit - it came over on me rather quickly to a point where I'm contorting myself in the front seat to avoid serious discomfort, all the while trying to play it off cool in front of my gf that I just had to piss (not sure where my logic was in that)

Anyways, we're at Def Con 4 with this and I tell him to pull in anywhere that has a bathroom so he finds this little restaurant that was a mom and pop place for locals. The place was small with just a main eating area that held maybe 70 people but it was packed as it was dinnertime. I go straight in , bypassing the hostess and head to the bathroom which was literally just off the dining room, like a closet in a bedroom. Its a single toilet, sink setup , no stall - and I go in there and just wreck that place. You know one of those rocking back and forth, head tilted to the side like an inquisitive Labrador, I can't get this out of me fast enough shits. I mean I wasn't grunting or blasting out farts but I'm sure I attracted some attention because of my bull in a china shop approach to getting in there. Thank god it wasn't occupied.

Anyway I chase out the last of it with a few twitches, clean up and head out and I walk out with what I'm sure is a horrendous foul smell following me like a jewish bill collector as well as that just shit - my entire body is now relaxed after fighting it for an hour look about me straight into the middle of some guys like 90th birthday party while they are singing to him. There is no hallway, no buffer area - just boom, open bathroom, hello Earl's chicken parmesan.

I didn't even make eye contact, just ran back out to the car lying to my roommate and gf that there was a long line and I had to wait to at least give the illusion I took a piss even though we all knew better

Jungle Rat · Post by **Jungle Rat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 2:07 pm

My sincere advice to DS without picking on him. Which is hard:

Take the next 3-5 years with your Chinese American bride ( I say that jokingly of course) to explore each other. Travel. Take every vacation day available to go do stuff. Careers are not all they are cracked up to be. Having the most money isn't either. Happiness and comfort in your life is the most important thing. You might not get that right now but when I'm buried underground I know this thought will be in your head for many years to come. Just like every time you look at a ham.

Good luck DS.

你他妈的

Jungle Rat · Post by **Jungle Rat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 2:18 pm

eCat wrote:I can remember going to Panama City with my gf and meeting my roommate who just moved down there. He drove us to a beach and on the way back I had to take a shit - it came over on me rather quickly to a point where I'm contorting myself.

I didn't even make eye contact, just ran back out to the car lying to my roommate and gf that there was a long line and I had to wait to at least give the illusion I took a piss even though we all knew better

Been there

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 2:23 pm

Jungle Rat wrote:My sincere advice to DS without picking on him. Which is hard:

Take the next 3-5 years with your Chinese American bride ( I say that jokingly of course) to explore each other. Travel. Take every vacation day available to go do stuff. Careers are not all they are cracked up to be. Having the most money isn't either. Happiness and comfort in your life is the most important thing. You might not get that right now but when I'm buried underground I know this thought will be in your head for many years to come. Just like every time you look at a ham.

Good luck DS.

你他妈的

plus you might not notice you only get blowjobs on your birthday and Xmas eve now

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 2:25 pm

DeCourcy's take. Watch the video...

http://www.sportingnews.com/ncaa-basket ... er-classes

Jungle Rat · Post by **Jungle Rat** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 2:27 pm

Just waxing nostalgic as I watch my dog take a dump outback.

I have to give credit to DS for hanging in here. When he started with us he was a 15 year old punk amongst 30+ year olds. Or for AA, crotch and crash, amongst 50 year olds.

We have watched this poor excuse grow from a preppy little fuck with his gay ass pink propped up collar, who made love to his Dean Smith poster into a man who married a rich bitch which means he really doesn't have to work anymore.

I'll be awaiting my Thank you gift for being your mentor DS. And don't send me any of that NC BBQ crap.

The Goat Pen

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