The Goat Pen

I think we're talking about sportcenter and how AA can go 18 hours plus without it but hedge needs it on iin the background to put him in the mood. I watched it with an old girlfriend and then with her mom 3 hours later back when berman weighed less then 200

Crash fantasizes about a thin Chris Berman?

yes I do sweet home alabamalum

HE.....COULD......GO......ALL.....THE......WAY!!!!!!!!

I'm still chuckling over the revelation that hedge likes it in the background.

I don't really like it in the background, but I'm usually watching tv when I decide to pull out the ol laptop and rub one out. That's the beauty of self-flagellation, you finish your business, quick clean up, and then immediately back to whatever you were doing. Not so with sex. You've got to lay there for at least 5 or 10 minutes and act like you're a nice guy and that there's nowhere you'd rather be at that moment than enjoying the afterglow with her, when the truth is, there's nowhere you'd rather NOT be at that moment than laying there pretending to "care". Too much effort...

Everybody here knows I speak the truth...

hedge wrote:I don't really like it in the background, but I'm usually watching tv when I decide to pull out the ol laptop and rub one out. That's the beauty of self-flagellation, you finish your business, quick clean up, and then immediately back to whatever you were doing. Not so with sex. You've got to lay there for at least 5 or 10 minutes and act like you're a nice guy and that there's nowhere you'd rather be at that moment than enjoying the afterglow with her, when the truth is, there's nowhere you'd rather NOT be at that moment than laying there pretending to "care". Too much effort...

I'm down to about 1.5 minutes of afterglow now

Yeah, but even that is irksome somehow...

As far as having ESPN on in the background, let's not forget that I jacked off to Tim Russert during the 2000 election. More than once. Chris Berman isn't too much of a stretch after that...

then he cuddled with himself for 1.5 minu

last night was

me: "hey, lets get naked later"
her ( about 10 minutes later) - "I'm going upstairs to take a shower"
me: "ok, I'll be up in a few minutes and take mine"
her "don't hurry, I'm not getting in the shower right away"
me: "whatever"
me (an hour later, now upstairs) " you haven't taken your shower yet?"
her" I will now"

1 HOUR LATER

her coming out of the shower with her pajamas on " I'm really tired"
me "so we aren't having sex?"
her "I've had a rough day, lets lay down and let me tell you about it"

me" "HELL NO, I've been waiting around for 2 hours and I"m not getting sex and now you want to tell me about your day at work? I'm sleeping on the couch tonight"


fast forward to this morning

me "hmmmph"

her "pfffft"

and that's where we left it as my daughter was throwing up and I had to walk her to school

I have 3 scenarios

vacation sex--all bets are off. I need viagra that 2 weeks of the year. toys, differnt holes, pickup games etc
wine sex much the same as vacation sex but only occures evey 6 8 weeks. no viagra needed

routine sex. weekly occurrence usually weekend morning. she rolls over sees the flagpole and tells me to get the lube out. 5 minutes later I go turn on sportscenter or head to the golf course. I then have to buy her dinner that night and if I'm lucky its wine sex time

Your reply shoulda been, "you think you're tired now, wait until I get through with you."


I've found that women sometimes want you to not accept their "no's"....just stop a but short of Rapey McECat, and you'll be fine.

AlabamAlum wrote:Your reply shoulda been, "you think you're tired now, wait until I get through with you."


I've found that women sometimes want you to not accept their "no's"....just stop a but short of Rapey McECat, and you'll be fine.

no, she had on those baggy scrubs and white panties she's wore since like 1999 - that screams I will just lie there and wait for you to get it over with if you have to do this now.

I know when she wants rapeCat. Women that want it , don't want to talk about the bitches she works with at 11:30pm.

And I'm at an age where I am ok with "not now I"m tired - hell I say that more than I should - but I ain't gonna string your ass on for 2 hours before I say it. Half price milkshakes after 8pm at sonic bitch - your mind games just cost me a large banana with chocolate chips.

Forget what she wants...this is about you. If she just lays there, flip her over, smack her ass, and go at it from another direction.

eCat wrote:last night was

me: "hey, lets get naked later"
her ( about 10 minutes later) - "I'm going upstairs to take a shower"
me: "ok, I'll be up in a few minutes and take mine"
her "don't hurry, I'm not getting in the shower right away"
me: "whatever"
me (an hour later, now upstairs) " you haven't taken your shower yet?"
her" I will now"

1 HOUR LATER

her coming out of the shower with her pajamas on " I'm really tired"
me "so we aren't having sex?"
her "I've had a rough day, lets lay down and let me tell you about it"

me" "HELL NO, I've been waiting around for 2 hours and I"m not getting sex and now you want to tell me about your day at work? I'm sleeping on the couch tonight"

That pretty much the same scenario that plays out around here, except that the MIF is "me" and I'm "her", I don't offer to tell her about my day, and I sleep on the couch...

AlabamAlum wrote:Forget what she wants...this is about you. If she just lays there, flip her over, smack her ass, and go at it from another direction.

Shreveport , LA - May, 1997 - Sheraton Hotel

took a lot of talking to get her to calm down from that maneuver

"I've found that women sometimes want you to not accept their "no's"..."

Reminds me of a comic I heard the other day talking about one of his old girlfriends: "The sex wasn't that great. Every time, she'd be yelling and screaming 'No, no, please stop, I don't want this!'"...

hedge wrote:"I've found that women sometimes want you to not accept their "no's"..."

Reminds me of a comic I heard the other day talking about one of his old girlfriends: "The sex wasn't that great. Every time, she'd be yelling and screaming 'No, no, please stop, I don't want this!'"...

or she yelled "Don't Stop" except there was a long pause between the don't and stop

I'm still laughing about that Will Ferrell clip as the albino car salesman where he says his wife tries to get away because she doesn't like it