The Goat Pen

Maybe you got the deluxe ballwasher model...

its does have a feminine setting for super soaking the lips
but the aim is off on this. Maybe it has some kind of adjustment

The ass lips?

Vijayjay

ass lips are called hemorrhoids and the last thing you want is a blast of water on one

Welp, the MIF's oldest daughter is getting married this weekend, it's been nonstop chores getting ready for this for the past month, but it's really getting hectic now. The daughter wanted to have the wedding in New Bern at some venue, but no, the MIF wanted to have a tent in the front yard, which means we've got to do all the work, plus all the shit she's been buying for the past 9 months, furniture, couches, knick-knacks, which we have to arrange. I'll be glad when this is over....

ugh, I hate it when people come visit, I can't imagine all the work to setup for a bunch of people you hardly know

I'm paying mine to elope.

I would've gladly done that. The youngest daughter got married last year, same situation, but she's much more chill and b/c of covid, there were only around 70 people, so it was just the core friends and fam, which was fun. This one is going to be twice that many at least and yes, plenty of out of town family (from the groom's side) that I've never met and will never see again. Might as well be zombies. Hopefully they'll leave early. Luckily this is the last wedding for us. Probably will be having to look after grandkids soon. Hard to believe...

I've got some set aside for each when the time comes. They can either run off with it and have fun or spend it on a normal wedding.

We had 350-400 people at our wedding. I thought there was no way that everyone who RSVP'ed would be there for some reason. I was wrong...

When I walked into the church and saw that both the main level and wrap around balcony were full, I said "oh shit" out loud without realizing it and the congregation died laughing.

I was so nervous I accidentally said part of my wife's vowels too until I caught it and said "oops."

The reverend's mic had issues and he didn't realize it. Someone passed a note up to him from the rear. None of us were aware of what was happening. My buddy Thad said "Damn, someone must have shot the president if they're doing this."

The rehearsal dinner and reception were a blast, but the bullshit leading up to it was hell due to family drama.

I don't remember mine and I was sober. Not enough time to drink being pulled here and there. I didn’t want a big wedding so instead I stayed out of it and let her and her parents do it. Cheap ass fuckers. Basically had cheetos in a snack bowl. Didn’t care. Just wanted to get to the airport.

My problem is that the MIF insists on doing everything herself, which means I've got to do it to. I was like can't we hire somebody to do this shit, we're already paying an absurd amount for the food, photographer, alcohol, tent, etc, why can't we get somebody to do this shit work too, but she's like "they don't have my vision." Yeah, her fucking vision has had my ass working like a Mexican for the past 3 weeks...

She got these big ass glass vases (thick ass glass) about chest high, her "vision" was to put green bamboo shoots in them. Yeah, it's a cool idea, but guess who was out cutting bamboo at 6am this morning? You got it. The whole back of the Yukon is packed full of bamboo about 8 feet long. Then we get it back to the house and I'm like we really don't need that much water in these things, just enough for the bottom to soak up some water. Oh hell naw, she wants these things filled up, I'm like how are we going to carry them to the tent, that's going to be about 50 gallons of water in an unwieldy glass vase if you fill them up. The funny part about that last sentence is that I actually said "we" instead of me. She agreed to a lesser amount of water so that "we" didn't have to get a hernia carrying them to the tent, but then later I saw her with a watering can adding water to them. Multiply this story by whatever number you care to and that's by my life for the past 3 weeks. I thought this was supposed to be fun...

First world problems...

The only reason I'm even able to type this shit right now is that thank god some of her friend are having a luncheon for the bride, of course she's grumbling about having to go, fun stuff like this is just taking time away from work that "we" need to be doing. The good thing is she doesn't trust me to do anything unless she's right there, so I've got a couple hours to myself. Yes, I've already started drinking...

Yeah, this does beat being in Ukraine right now. Thanks for the perspective...

aTm wrote: ↑Fri May 20, 2022 11:37 am First world problems...

heh, thank you man

Go dump out half the water and see if she notices. Now you know why she's kept you around all these years.

My wedding was a blur. We had 45 minutes worth of photography outside after I said "I do" and by the time we made it back for the reception, everyone was like "where were you two???" Dinner was a few speeches and I had to meet everyone at every table, about maybe 20% of them I could even identify who those people are today (the ones that are still alive.)

What time did they go back to their stables?