The Goat Pen

so my mom is in her late 80's now, still gets around a bit, but has always been really into facebook and playing computer games like that gem candy thing.

anyways, she gets a virus at least once every 6 months, Its unreal, and I'm the only person that deals with it in the family so I'm constantly cleaning viruses or restoring her computer. But I live 5 hours away so it doesn't happen overnight. Her solution was to just buy another computer, so she did, and it got a virus, then she bought another.

In the past oh 5 years she has bought 4 laptops and 2 desktops. At first she asked me to get them for her and I'd get her a good one, but I guess she got embarrassed and went out and bought some piece of shit lenovo with an AMD processor and barely enough memory to start up. It lasted about 4 months of her use and just gave up trying. Its sitting in a box in my closet.

So I buy her a high end Dell, industrial machine that is water resistant , wind and dust resistant, i7 processor and 16gb ram with Windows 10 pro.
And together we decide she will stay off social media with it, use it to watch videos, play games, that sort of thing.

Nope, she calls me 2 nights ago and its been taken over by one of those hijack viruses where you have to give them a credit card number and they will give you a code or whatever. I tell her DO NOT CALL the number, just ignore the message, send me the laptop and I will re-install Windows 10

This is the gist of our conversation

Her: Microsoft tells me I have a virus and I have to call a number to get my computer cleaned
Me: its a scam, can you do anything with the computer like click on the windows start icon?
Her: No, I only see the virus message and the computer is telling me I am infected and to call this number, I can't hear you I am turning the speaker off
Me: Well your screwed, I am coming to see you next month, I can fix it then or you can mail it to me
Her: Next month, what will I do until then?
Me: Does the old computer work?
Her: Yes, but its so slow , it full of viruses
Me: Did you run AntiMalwarebytes - the blue M on the desktop I showed you?
Her: where is that?
Me: On the desktop, on your screen
Her: I don't see it
Me: You aren't even looking at your old computer are you?
Her: No, I'm on my new one you got me (and I hear irritation in her voice that I didn't realize she was on her new computer)
Me: listen, you're going to have to stop getting on facebook and linking all that Trump, Anti Abortion, Retards Down Syndrome Stuff and all that other junk you do, that is where you are getting these viruses
Her: I can't use facebook anymore?
Me: Yea, you can just post to your friends pictures of your flowers or tomatoes, stop posting all those links to stuff that isn't your own
Her: You think that's why I'm getting a virus?
Me: you get a virus more than any person I know and I have 3 anti-virus software packages on your machine
Her: Now its telling me to run windows update, I'm going to cancel that
Me: No! You aren't running updates?
Her: no, I'm going to turn on my speaker again and write that number down from Microsoft
Me: NO NO NO, its not Microsoft, its a guy in India waiting to scam you out of money
Her: I will just mail it to you and you can give it to me when you come down
Me: OK, but you gotta stop posting garbage on Facebook. Every time you click on a link to share that nonsense you are opening yourself up to a virus
Her: well I don't want any more viruses

So we say goodbye

Today?
Since we've talked and 10 minutes ago, 18 posts on her from facebook, at least 10 of them are political and all but like 4 are links she clicked on from someone else.

JFC

Just think, her vote counts just as much as mine. Sigh...

and just think -she's been able to vote her entire life too

God bless her...

Well, not her entire life...

Just think, people her age are manning the electronic voting sites.

Good looking on that flashlight plug.

You guys stay worth something; it's why I never fully quit ya bastids.

My mom died 5 years ago. Fuck you. And she loved her AOL. Always typed in caps though. She didn't understand when I told her to stop yelling.

But oh yeah, it was always "Boy, get over here, my computer thingy won't this or that."

Yeah, she never called me Mark. Just Boy.

My father called all his sons boy. If I heard my name, it meant shit was about to be different.

Heh.

I bought a couple of robotic vacuums for the house. Holy shit, I am amazed at how well these things work.

Every day at 5am they take off, run for a couple of hours and by the time I get up and start moving around they are parked back at their charging station. I empty the bins which are always full (I guess we were living in a damn barn before) and they are keeping the house spotless. I should have done this a long time ago.

I didn't go with Roomba, there are a shitload of quality robotic vacuums out there now. The cheaps one like I bought use a random algorithm and just run until the battery is low. Mine will run for almost 2 hours and in that time it pretty much covers the entire first floor. The more expensive ones are laser guided and methodically vacuum the house in a grid, and at the same time they memorize your home so they just don't keep bumping into shit. But those are like $400 and up.

The one I chose was a brand called Deebot, it has a smart app and is wifi/Alexa enabled. I think you can pick it up for about $160 on amazon. I'm giving them out as Xmas presents to my Sister and SIL this year.

We bought a Roomba about 8 years ago and it was shit. The technology has come a long way since then. There is still a bit of a learning curve. I had to pick up all the extension cords and we have a sectional sofa. At first it would get under there and just get stuck. I had to keep digging it out in the morning until I finally got a couple of small boards and blocked it off. Now they run every day without fail.

Now I'm waiting for the robotic dishwasher and washing machine

I got one for the MIF last Christmas, it changed our lives. Well, it changed hers more, she doesn't have to vacuum anymore, but it changed mine in that I don't have to listen to the goddamn vacuum cleaner while I'm watching tv. Anyway, it was a win/win...

yea if you get a good one, they make a noticeable difference.

We have a couple of high dollar dysons and we haven't touched them in 3 weeks.

The main thing for me is that all the dog hair under and around the bed on the hardwood floor is gone. We're down to 2 dogs now but they can still put off some significant quantities. When we had 5 it was a fulltime job. I saw one that would go back to the charging station to recharge and would also automatically empty itself and then just keep on trucking, but it was like $800...

I leave this one to the amateurs

They have those robotic vaccines that will sweep and mop hardwoods, too. We’re gonna be the Jetsons soon.

you can name your vacuum in the app. I named my Rosie from the Jetsons

Fuck y'all. I'm still stuck with my shitty Hoover WindTunnel that I got from Walmart and is going to kill me one day with a short in the cord that has all the holes in it.

you need to setup a gofundme page

Vacuum cleaners apparently are something you need to spend $400 on or you'll end up with another shitty Hoover for $250.