The Goat Pen

Saban: Welcome to Tuscaloosa, Mr. Jackson. May I call you Billy? I hope you are enjoying your official visit. We would love to have a 5 star quarterback like you become a vital part of our team and lead us to even more National Championships.

Jackson: Thanks, Coach Saban. Let's get down to business. How much money for my likeness can you guarantee if I sign with Alabama?

Saban: Well, now that you mention it, we have a variety of lucrative opportunities for a 5 star player for you. There are numerous business that would love to compensate you for your valuable likeness. For starters, we have a series of car dealerships that would be glad for you to make some commercials for them. They have been helping our student athletes for years, going back to Lincoln Navigators back in the '80's. Our Dodge dealership friends have given away enough Chargers to our players we could start a whole separate dealership just for them.

Jackson: That's it?

Saban: Heavens no. You can give interviews with the Birmingham News. Those are going for $10,000 per interview. You can write a book about your life, written by some professor in our English department, but we'll say you wrote it. The rights to your book is worth $500,000. Maybe more. The sky is the limit. This athlete advertisement business is getting so big we set up a corporation to manage it all - Red Elephant Club Enterprises. They're even on the New York Stock Exchange. Here's their brochure...

Jackson: I don't know... last weekend I had my official visit to Clemson. Their holding corporation is named IPTAY Equities. They are connected with a big BMW plant near their campus. They offered me $100,000 per commercial, and trust me their Beamers are WAAAY better than your crappy Chargers.

Saban: Whatever that little twerp Sweeney offers you, we'll double it. He doesn't know who he's dealing with.

Jackson: Okay. I'll think about it and let you know. I'm visiting Georgia next week and see what Kirby offers me. My publicity manager says Kirby will let me get into as many bar room brawls in Athens as I want. And check it out: if I get arrested, the Athens police department will pay me one MILLION dollars for the use of my mugshot! They've already put the money in the police department's budget for THREE separate mugshots! How cool is that?

Saban: I never should have mentioned that idea to Kirby...

Jackson: I'm outa here. My car is waiting for me outside. It's my private limo, thanks to a few selfies I made with some actresses in Hollywood. Did you know the women at USC are incredibly hot? Later...