The Goat Pen

BigRedMan wrote:A good deep dickin will take care of a lot of those problems she has.

The 2004 UK basketball team took care of that

30 Rock Quotes


'Never follow a hippie to a second location'
–Jack

'I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes'
–Jack

'I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut'
–Jack

'Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold'
–Jack

'Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs'
–Jack

'I don't sleep on planes. I don't want to get incepted.'
-Jack

'TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron, like "liberal government" or "female scientist."'
–Jack

'You know how the media are. They wait for a mistake and that's all you are. It happened to Hitler. No one ever talks about his paintings.'
– Jack

'I only pass gas once a year, for an hour, atop a mountain in Switzerland.'
– Jack

'Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?'
– Jack

'Making it through a full twenty-four hours without making a single misstep is called Reaganing. The only other people who've ever done it? Lee Iacocca, Jack Welch, and—no judgment—Saddam Hussein.'
–Jack

'What's wrong, Lemon? When I see you chew your nails like that, it's either you're very anxious, or you handled some ham earlier.'
–Jack

'Fifty is the new forty for men. Fifty is still sixty for women.'
–Jack

'What keeps people united on airplanes? The shared hatred of the CBS sitcoms they're forced to watch.'
–Jack

'I didn't get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by not being good at business.'
–Jack

'You want a confession? Let's get this done so I can go eat. I'm divorced. I take the Lord's name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident.'
–Jack

'I get my hair cut every two days—after all, your hair is your head suit.'
–Jack

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?
–Liz and Jack

'I want to go to there.'
-Liz

'Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?'
–Liz

'You wanna party? It's $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling; end of list.'
–Liz

'I am telling everyone here that there's no way I can be pregnant, because I have had my period for the last 61 days.'
–Liz

'It doesn't matter how long you've lived in New York. It's still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises.'
–Liz

'That word bums me out unless it's between meat and pizza.'
-Liz referring to the word "lovers"

'Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french-kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12-year-old.'
–Liz

'Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? [pointing thumbs at self] This moi.'
-Liz

'One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I’m really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!'
-Liz

Kenneth: And your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.
-Liz and Kenneth

Liz: You have two choices here. You can stay in your room like a child, or you can get out there and do your job. [Tracy stands up]
Liz: Thank you.
Tracy: Oh, I'm sorry, that was misleading. I'm not going to rehearse. I'm going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet.
–Liz and Tracy

Tracy: I have no reason to hug her except for my love of having boobs pressed against me.
Liz:If I hugged you, I would angle it so you got no boob.
Tracy: And I would anticipate your angling and I would get there.
–Tracy and Liz

Tracy: I promise. I swear on my mother's grape.
Liz: Okay...did you say 'grave' or 'grape'?
Tracy: Yes, goodbye!
–Tracy and Liz

'My dear friend Moby just opened a tea house in Park Slope. Do you know him?'
-Tracy

'Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you're science. Tell her, Jack!' – Tracy

'Court? At night? I’m already laughing. Tell me more.'
-Tracy

'A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory'
–Tracy

Let's do it again from the top. I want to get it perfect, because "perfection" is my middle name: Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy.
–Tracy

You remember Donald, my son who's two years older than me.
–Tracy

'I love this cornbread so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.'
– Tracy

'What everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.'
–Tracy

'They do that a lot in movies: An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.'
–Tracy

'I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn't a new Star Trek.'
-Tracy

'You’re going to sue me? Who do you think you are, the San Diego zoo?'
-Tracy

'We are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrian Brody kissed Halle Barry at the Oscars. White people stole jazz, rock and roll, Will Smith, and heart disease.'
–Tracy

'Shooting people at the Source Awards is a tradition. It's like Christmas. Or shooting people outside of Hot 97.'
–Tracy

'Here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week.'
–Tracy

Some classics there. Jack had the primos.

Yeah, those were good. My favorite was:

'That word bums me out unless it's between meat and pizza.'
-Liz referring to the word "lovers"

I think "The Landlord called and he said its not the toilet, its you" is my favorite.

thats my kinda low brow humor

tonight is the last episode and its coming on in a few minutes

There were alot of good ones to choose from. I'm glad you posted that, I've only caught bits and pieces of that show, now I've got something to look forward to...

Jack's character on "30 Rock" is one of my favorites on sitcoms. Baldwin plays it well, too.

I can't believe I didn't find these until tonight

you gotta watch these - part II is hilarious

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Charlie Murphy is on Hawaii 5 0

What about Ephraim Zembalist Jr.?

and he's right...

http://www.eonline.com/news/384034/girl ... orant-quot

Tokyo, Japan — A bank robber was apprehended today in Tokyo after stopping to talk with none other than Bill Murray. “The man robbed the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi, ran out, saw Bill Murray walking on the street and stopped to talk to him. That’s when authorities were able to apprehend him,” Tokyo Police Chief Yakuza Mori told reporters.

Bill Murray who is in Tokyo promoting a new movie told reporters about the incident. “I saw this man in the street running towards me with a bag in his hand. Then he suddenly stopped when he saw me. He asked me if I was Bob Harris, the character I played in Lost in Translation. I told him, ‘sure, why not’. Then he started telling me how much he loved me and how great he thought I was. I was polite, I told him that was very nice of him to say. Then kind of out of nowhere, police showed up and tackled the man,” Murray said. “Some people might call me a hero, but I’m no hero. The real heroes today are the men and women of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.”

34-year-old American Paul Horner who is in Tokyo on business was at the bank when the robbery happened. “I was just standing behind this guy waiting for my turn. Then suddenly he starts waving around a knife demanding money I think, my Japanese is mediocre at best. So they fill this man’s bag with whatever was in one of the registers and then he runs out the door,” Horner said. “I’m not shaken up about the robbery at all, I’m pretty much a foot or two taller than all the people over here, so I thought it was kind of like a really cute bank robbery if that’s possible. What I am shaken up about is that Bill Murray was the one who stopped this guy and I didn’t get a chance to meet him.” Horner continued, “Bill Murray is my personal hero and today he was an actual hero for the city of Tokyo. What a cool guy.”

“We love Bill Murray very much in our country, he is very funny man,” said Tomi Tanaka who is manager of the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi. “Tomorrow, we are giving Mr. Murray an award with very big ceremony. It will be very excellent, everyone in Tokyo is invited.”

The robber, who’s name has not been released yet, was apprehended and taken into police custody. On his person police found a knife and a bag filled with 4,550,00.00 Japanese Yen, or about 5,000 USD.

I will admit, riding the subways in Asia is a bit surreal. I stand a half foot, at least, over most of the population, so I see from one end of the car to the next.

I give it about one more generation before they raise their average height, though, considering all the KFC they eat over there.

"everyone in Tokyo is invited.”

That's going to be some kind of party...

"I’m pretty much a foot or two taller than all the people over here"

I felt the same way walking through Chinatown on Sunday morning a few months ago.

He so tall

I think I am the last person on earth to see this clip, but it is hilarious.


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Yes. Yes you are.