The Goat Pen

Dave Barry's experience from 1997

http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-c ... 28847.html

I am sitting in the post recovery room listening to people fart right now

Did they give you the heated blanket? I love the heated blankets.

yep. My wife was picking me up late so they also just let me sleep in the bed/gurney afterwards until she showed up so that was nice.

"Did they give you the heated blanket? I love the heated blankets."

More like a dutch oven...

I remember the one I had in Raleigh about 10 years ago at a place that did nothing but colonoscopies all day long. I slowly came to in a big room behind a curtain with about 5 or 6 other patients also coming to. You'd hear the ping, parp and scree of the farts going off around the room while the bossy southern nurse would walk by and order the laggards to get to farting. "I need to start hearing you fart now! I mean it!"

What does it mean if you don't?

I don't see how you can't - they pump you full of air , its pretty much uncontrollable, especially since your still half drugged up.

I will say the whole experience wasn't nearly as bad as I had built it up to be.

Being able to shamelessly take part in an indoor symphony of farting would seem to be an encouragement to the likes of Stu, used as he is to being banished to the porch to play his sad solo bassoon...

How in the blue hell has this not been recorded since the invention of Youtube?????????

I was thinking about the nurses. All of them were cute little 30-40'ish things and they're working every day in this room where old ass men and women ( I guess - there weren't any women there while I was there) are blasting these tuba farts non-stop

I can't decide if I want to be married to a woman like that or abhor the idea they're so comfortable with it.

I wanted to talk them about it - like do you just blast farts all day at home or in public? but I never got the chance.

of course the doctor found a polyp in me which means that what is supposed to be a free health /wellness thing will now cost $3K

they will ALWAYS find a polyp

eCat wrote:I don't see how you can't - they pump you full of air , its pretty much uncontrollable, especially since your still half drugged up.

I will say the whole experience wasn't nearly as bad as I had built it up to be.

So do they keep you there solely to save you from the embarrassment?

no I'm sure there is some medical reason - like maybe the sedation shuts your asshole down (I'm good with medical terminology like that) or they poked a hole in your colon - they don't seemed too concerned with your dignity , however I did notice they bring you out the back after the procedure instead of going back out thru the waiting room.

That was a minor fear I had post surgery as I had to wait around for my wife to pick me up. That I'd be sitting around in the waiting room blasting tuba farts in front of complete strangers - but they kept me in the back until my wife showed up and by then I was all farted out.

the other thing is - as soon as they can communicate with you - while you are still under the fog of sedation, they ask you to fart - so you don't care - I could have farted in front of the pope at that moment. I was like "I can do it again if you want!" like I was being graded on it

I once shit my pants in front of the pope. Good Friday 1990 at St. Peters. We were about 50 feet from the pope and were there a very long time. there is no easy to access bathroom when this service is happening and 50,000 people are there. The rest is history.

Cletus and the pope
who would have guessed that

There's really no smell to those colonoscopy farts since you're as clean as you're going to be ... ever. But they do resonate well.

I shit a little in my pants last week at Harris-Teeter. It was really just a fart that was a lot moister than I had planned. Anyway, I felt a cool, wet sensation on the back of my thigh and told my wife and kid we had to leave immediately. I got home and showered but it really was just a tiny speck of moisture. I probably could have toughed it out if I had to.

I've rarely sharted in my life although it's happened 2 or 3 times in the last 18 months. It's just a sign of things to come.

So much comedy gold in these last 4 posts.

Odor is a particle so if you smell someone's fart you have particles coming out of their ass going up your nose and down into your lungs.