The Goat Pen

I let it brew for a few hours so I was ready. Nervous? Never.

Remember. I've had practice. I took a dump on Mike Browns Lumina back in the 90s. This was a high school level prank.

Owlman wrote:

eCat wrote:I got a prostate exam when I was like 28 or 29, so I guess its not that uncommon.

I was married to my first wife at the time and I was telling her about it and she was like "that's the first time a doctor has stuck a finger up your butt? My doctor does it every visit!"

I was like ummm...maybe its time to switch doctors?

We are chacking the back of the uterus when we are doing a rectal on a woman. Bigger risk to women at a younger age.

yea, I tried to check the back of her uterus a few times myself

I told my wife I'd like to visit uranus again one of these days.

she bought me a damn telescope

eCat wrote:

Owlman wrote:

eCat wrote:I got a prostate exam when I was like 28 or 29, so I guess its not that uncommon.

I was married to my first wife at the time and I was telling her about it and she was like "that's the first time a doctor has stuck a finger up your butt? My doctor does it every visit!"

I was like ummm...maybe its time to switch doctors?

We are chacking the back of the uterus when we are doing a rectal on a woman. Bigger risk to women at a younger age.

yea, I tried to check the back of her uterus a few times myself

Your dick can't discern as much as your fingers, believe me I know this from experience

You Finger Your anus?

I am at the beach this week. Looking at buying a couple of properties. From the balcony of my condo, I am struck by the number of young couples that pay a local photographer to take pics of them at sunset on the beach. The typical uniform is a billowy, white long-sleeved cotton shirt and khaki shorts for the male members of the family, and a billowy white sundress and flower behind the ear for the Mrs and young daughters. The photographer will have them hugging in close for the group photo, and have the kids throwing a ball or digging with a shovel, sand pail at their side, for the staged play scenes. Beaming, shiny, wide-grinned smiles abound. Then, the photographer finishes and appears to have a brief conversation - I suppose to give them info on when to expect the prints, and leaves. As soon as the photographer starts to make her way out, the adults' demeanor takes a noticeable change: the smiles and laughter and hugging stops, and they slog -stoop-shouldered- off the sand; no doubt heading to air conditioning and the Bataan Death March to the fried seafood buffet and all-you-can-eat crab legs later in the evening.

This charade has presented itself three times that I've seen since Sunday. It's sad, but not because of these isolated instances: It's sad because the beach photographs are just one of hundreds of times where we put on the same bright, shiny, saccharin smiles and do a circus sideshow act that would make any dancing bear weep in sympathy for us. Like meeting a client that you hate and acting interested in or agreeing with his ridiculous ideas; Christmas, when relatives, who your only connection to is a supposed common ancestor, visit and ask things like, "Wow, how much money did that boat set you back" and "I have no idea how I'm gonna pay for Sally's braces or the dog's hernia surgery" before clumsily asking for cash and a promise to pay it back (that you both know will never happen); or when your drunken business partner gets married for the fifth time in 12 years and you're tasked to do a toast at their wedding, and you do. Biting your tongue until it bleeds to keep from saying what you really feel.

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts" is true, but unfortunately, the parts we are cast for are usually more tragedies than comedies.

got a picture 2 months ago from friends of mine - their family on the beach - all wearing white

Most people don't have the stuff of real tragedy in them...

It is amazing how lucky most of us are to be born with cars/houses/food/cable/internet/cellphones/money/clothes/vacations

our tragedy is watching grandpa and grandma fade away mentally and physically because they live too long. the real tragedy of watchjing loved ones far too young taken suddenly fortunately rarely happens for most of us

we are spoiled to be spared the daily trials many face where disease/suffering and death are your companions.

plus my relatives know I'm broke, my boss stayed with his wife for some reason , and my favorite picture will always be family one taken with a kodak in 1989 in class A's, my wife age 25, my kids ages 8/7/4. They can bury me with that picture

its spring, motorcycle weather, girls breaking out the short shorts and spaghetti strap tops, steaks on the grill and long necks on ice

you guys aren't supposed to be posting such depressing stuff -

he started it

told you he should be suspended and get sensitivity training

Okay, here is something else on the lighter side: I am also struck by how many people are completely bumfuzzled getting into or leaving the pool area because of the gate that you have to reach your hand through (or above, depending on where the latch is) and pull up on the little knob and either push or pull the gate open. You think, okay, -somehow- they've lived to however old and this is the first time they've ever seen a gate like this. But no, they are confused on the way in, and then again on the way back out.

Next time at a pool or the beach, set your lounge chair toward the gate, and just watch.

Can we all just acknowledge the fact that AA is on vacation so that he'll stop posting mindless attention whoring anecdotes?

It's not a vacation, and I didn't think it was attention whoring. Just observations. But maybe you're right. I just wish there was some sort of media to post thoughts, observations, have conversations, maybe even talk some politics and sports every now and again.

Someone needs to invent something. I don't want to speak out of school, but maybe a forum or a message board, or something close...

I twitter. I cannot be limited to 140 characters to discuss something, though. And I abhor Facebook. No, it needs to be a message board where assorted topics can be discussed and argued at length.

If only such a place existed. Maybe I will make one. An homage to Star Trek, perhaps? The Gorn Pen?

you'd have to be a complete loser to waste years of your life at a message board

Agreed. I've heard of some of these losers who have been posting shit since 1997.