The Goat Pen

Don't act like you never used the pulse setting on the Water Pik shower head when you were a kid...

I think the man just wanted a really clean dick

eCat wrote:well no, it scares the shit out of me - I've been saying for at least 10 years we need to start building more reservoirs and capturing runoff. If I were in charge we'd have desalinization plants up and down the west coast.

Good luck with that. Nowadays, when it comes to anything that costs more than $1,000 to do, no one is in charge. Nothing gets done.

The only thing one person is "in charge" of is going to war. If it wasn't for the fact that the rest of the world is ass backwards, or profoundly corrupt (or both), I would have little hope for our over-medicated, non-sacrificing, hyper-partisan, obese ass nation.

But, considering the state of the overly austere and unsatisfactorally (is that a word?) child bearing Europe, the morally bankrupt East and the political turmoil-ridden/greedy Africa, I think the kids are gonna be alright. If we don't blow ourselves up.

Bklyn wrote:

eCat wrote:well no, it scares the shit out of me - I've been saying for at least 10 years we need to start building more reservoirs and capturing runoff. If I were in charge we'd have desalinization plants up and down the west coast.

Good luck with that. Nowadays, when it comes to anything that costs more than $1,000 to do, no one is in charge. Nothing gets done.

The only thing one person is "in charge" of is going to war. If it wasn't for the fact that the rest of the world is ass backwards, or profoundly corrupt (or both), I would have little hope for our over-medicated, non-sacrificing, hyper-partisan, obese ass nation.

But, considering the state of the overly austere and unsatisfactorally (is that a word?) child bearing Europe, the morally bankrupt East and the political turmoil-ridden/greedy Africa, I think the kids are gonna be alright. If we don't blow ourselves up.

by winning the war of attrition (surviving natural and man made disasters?)

Ha ha!

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/the-turns ... 32910.html

Word to Leon Lett.

Hear that Marcus. Word.

That's actually still funny to me.

What. Leon Lett?

was on my computer last night using Picasa to find a picture and stumbled upon some pictures my wife put on there of her youngest sister breast feeding her newborn from 2 years ago that I never knew existed.

I went straight up nipple search. It was a bright spot to an otherwise dreary night.

That's one thing I've noticed - women right after they give birth do not give a fuck if you take pictures of their titties.

Bklyn wrote:That's actually still funny to me.

Any time we can make fun of hedge is funny. I just like how it's daily.

eCat wrote:was on my computer last night using Picasa to find a picture and stumbled upon some pictures my wife put on there of her youngest sister breast feeding her newborn from 2 years ago that I never knew existed.

I went straight up nipple search. It was a bright spot to an otherwise dreary night.

That's one thing I've noticed - women right after they give birth do not give a fuck if you take pictures of their titties.

Because that's as big as they're gonna get.

I'm really starting to turn into my old man.

The past month or so I've been busier than a two peckered rabbit and that has translated into me have zero patience for anyone that wastes my time and it seems there is no shortage of them when I am in the retail sector.

To the guy standing in front of me at McDonalds, the goddamn menu hasn't changed since 1988. YES...YOU GET FUCKING HASH BROWNS WITH THAT. YOU GET FUCKING HASH BROWNS WITH EVERYTHING ON THE BREAKFAST MENU. ITS BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE REAGAN. EVEN HE WOULD REMEMBER THAT. NO THEY DON'T HAVE VANILLA CREAMER. ITS SHITASS MCDONALDS, NOT THE COFFEE CLATCH. I was literally tapping my foot , doing my best harumphing, looking around and then at the woman behind me with the "can you believe this guy" look on my face. Apparently I was the only one irritated which further enraged me. I just want to give the girl my dollar and get my sausage mcmuffin, then you can go back to ordering the monthly bonus for your mexican landscaping crew and wasting everyone else's time in line behind me.

To the woman checking out in front of me at Target, YOU DON"T FUCKING ORGANIZE YOUR MONEY IN YOUR BILLFOLD AND THEN ORGANIZE YOUR PURSE WHILE STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CHECKOUT GIRL. YOU'VE ALREADY PAID..... LEAVE! Get your hallmark card for your nephew and get the hell out of my way. Go buy an icee and organize *your* shit at the snack bar, you're impeding on my shit buying experience now.

To the 67 year old man at Lowes selling me mulch, I don't give a damn about your fucking tomatoes. Go home and tell them your life story. I know you're old. I know you're probably lonely. There are places for you to do this shit. Its called a park bench, not while I'm trying to load mulch on a Saturday. Plus, why is your old ass selling me mulch to begin with? Now I'm guilted into loading this heavy ass shit myself. Thank god I brought the boy along with me. btw, I made the boy fill out an application to work at Lowes while we were there.

To the checkout woman at Petsmart -, if the woman in front of me is not a rewards member and you offer to sign her up where you have to type a bunch of shit into a keypad the size of a calculator, I swear to god I am going shove a dog biscuit sideways down your gullet. What kind of reward is she fucking going to get buying 6 cans of cat food anyways? Your reward is I don't fucking have a Michael Douglas Falling Down moment in your check out line.

I'm tired of this shit every time I go out.

EFZ!

The woman in front of you at the check out who doesn't open her purse until she's given the total and then spends two minutes looking for 32 cents so she doesn't have to break a dollar.

"Apparently I was the only one irritated which further enraged me."

LOL. You are certainly in solidarity with Stu in this regard...

I was coming out of Lowe's the other day, there was an older man helping his wife into the back of their truck to put some stuff in, I asked if I could help and she said yes. Just put a couple of plants in the back and noticed a cane in their shopping cart. The woman asked if I'd help her down, she came over and put her hands on my shoulders and I basically lifted her down in a sort of groom carrying his bride over the threshold maneuver. I was hoping her husband wasn't going to hit me with his cane, but felt safe when he muttered "I used to could do that before I had the stroke." At any rate, the point I want to make is: This woman was in her 60's, probably early to mid-60's. She looked alright and was in pretty good shape for her age. But when I had my arm and hand under her thighs when I lifted her out of the truck, it was just pure flab. No purchase at all. Nothing against her, but that's what we've got to look forward to: Sag and flab, all over, and soon. That ass you used to grab and squeeze with such gusto is soon going to be like mud squishing thru your fingers. Those perky tits ye once suckled and kneaded like firm dough will soon need an erector set to prop them up, and even then they'll be oozing thru the cracks and holes. And speaking of erector sets, that boner you used to be so proud of is going to be half mast at best and that only after risking a heart attack with viagra. Things fall apart, the center cannot hold. 10 good years is all we've got left. Good. Hell, decent at best. Then it's going to be time to stroke out and have some younger person help our wife out of the truck and we're too resigned to impending death to even give a shit. On the bright side, we probably won't be as annoyed by people taking a long time in the McDonald's line...

mid 60s? that's only 15 years older than us. I think I would have slid my thumb up next to her taint and let her know that if she wanted one last good pounding, I would oblige her (if only for the story I could tell here).

yes, I am in concert with e on all of those things. I will cut off a granny with my cart in Walmart just to do it because she looked like she might hold me up at some point. Fuck people everywhere, is what I say and live by.

"mid 60s? that's only 15 years older than us."

No shit, Sherlock. That's the point of the story, death is just around the corner for all of us, and Hell yawns for our souls...

speaking of old, Its been an eventful past few days for me.

I went camping this weekend in a torrential rain where the boys were supposed to build a mock up of a ship. I"m not sure if camping did it or what but I've been pissing blood for the past 3 days which is a first and let me tell you if you haven't ever done it, its quite unnerving, especially if you don't have any pain associated with it like an infection or kidney stones. Luckily almost immediately after I went to the doctor, who told me 90% of time with men my age its nothing, I stopped (at least to the point where I'm not peeing cranberry juice and everything is clear to the naked eye). I have a catscan scheduled on Friday where I get to drink barium and then proceed to shit concrete for the next 2 days.

At the same time, after camping I participated in a sleep study. The doctor called yesterday and it would seem I wake up 81 times an hour from sleep apnea which alarmed her. So it looks like I will be getting one of those sleep assist things.

Its amazing how many health related things in my life would be fixed if I lost 50 pounds. This may be the hammer over the head moment I need to get started.

I don't know why so many people have a hard time with weight

just move to Africa for a couple of months

you never see any fat people over there