The Goat Pen

they want the home theatre with surround sound and the fancy big flat screen and the Wii and the little drawing pad that goes with the Wii and the D-Link so they can listen to their Pandora while they do yoga in the living room.

But then they insist on getting every wire out of sight. my wife begrudgingly allowed the power strip once I explained there was no way to plug in 8 devices to one wall outlet safely

She BE-GRRRUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHDGGGGGGED ye!!

tell her that jumbling all those wires so close together creates interference and it reduces the life of the electronics as well as picture and sound quality. Blame it on the reason your cheap DVD player died out and you had to buy an expensive wireless blu-ray to replace it.

You'd be surprised how well that works

"Has it moved into the realm of acceptable English to use the verb "be" in conjunction with the progressive tense of a verb?"

It can certainly lead to confusion. For instance, Beethoven's last name was really Thoven, but when people asked him what his name was, he said "I be Thoven." And look what happened...

eCat wrote:tell her that jumbling all those wires so close together creates interference and it reduces the life of the electronics as well as picture and sound quality. Blame it on the reason your cheap DVD player died out and you had to buy an expensive wireless blu-ray to replace it.

You'd be surprised how well that works

I would be surprised. This is the chick who routinely leaves the freezer door open and refused to stop overloading the washer until it finally broke. the warning light was on in her car for 2 wks and she didn't tell me.

She's obviously good at not facing reality. She has to be to be married to you...

My pet peeve with my wife is clutter. She isn't a hoarder as we don't have more than one of anything, but we had alot of shit - every drawer, cabinet , shelf in our house is packed to capacity. When I reach down to grab a mixing bowl for example, I can't grab just one bowl, we have at least 8, of all varying sizes and inevitably the smallest and least used bowls are on the top meaning I have to pick all of them up to get to the one bowl we actually use. Masses of perfume, makeup, lotions, and other concotions dot every available space on our dual counter/vanity thing in the bathroom. Every time I use a mixing bowl I throw a little mini fit in the kitchen about how stupid it is that I have to touch 6 bowls to get to the only one we use, which she ignores until I get the fuck back into the living room.

I really can't say much because my garage looks the same way and I'm building another garage to actually give me a place to work because I don't have any room in my current one. Plus she doesn't say shit when I buy a gun or a motorcycle so I just bite my tongue with the occasional flare up if I am momentarily inconvenienced.

instead this is what I do - I wait until she goes to visit family and I have to stay at home to work. This happens once or twice a year. While she is gone, I fucking haul out trashcans full of shit that she hasn't touched in 6 months and don't tell her.

She can't do that to me because all my shit is big. Hey, honey, did you see my Honda XR600R? no? I wonder what happened to it?

The MIF is the same way, but to her credit, with a little goading, she can reverse the trajectory of her hoarding soul and get into major purging and organizing. But then she just starts piling it up again. Also, needless to say, on any trip of even one or two nights, she and the girls pack as if they're going on a world tour. We go down to mexico for a week, I'm literally sitting there with a plastic grocery bag with my stuff in it waiting to go, and then here come the multiple 50 lb. checked bags plus carry-on's, purses, etc. And by the end of the trip, I haven't even worn half of what I have in the plastic grocery bag...

I have a large house on 3+ acres that is really much more then we need now that the kids have scrammed.

I have looked at other houses that are closer to the things we like andsmaller in scope not requirng the upkeep our current place does

My wife unfortunately has rooms that are filled with all the stuff we have collected in our 32 years and will not part with the majority --I too waited til her absence in california (daughter) and got rid of 15 garbage bags full of shit.

just to put a label on my wifes insanity --she is known as crazy christmas lady because we have 10 plus trees probably 20 pieces of garland and who knows howmany lights/other decorations she spends 3-4 days --to decorate the multiple rooms we have.

on the plus side she lets me do anything I want so i guess I too have to put up with a house that is way more then a couple of babyboomers need at this point

my mistake was throwing my mini tantrum about the mixing bowls. I can't get rid of them now because she'd know it was me.

Another issue I have is, and I've mentioned it before on here - thru inheritance we have collected a bunch of worthless shit - a panasonic console stereo that has cassettes and a turntable, a 1960's waffle iron with a cloth cord, these stupid plastic eggs that light up and change colors, a half filled collection of cheapass glassware, I could go on. This is stuff that people pick over at yard sales, not carry around with them from one house to the other, but since it belonged to someone in her family that is now worm food, I have to pack it around like a modern day Sisyphus. We actually did get some stuff of value thru inheritance but if I have to hang on to a waffle iron, what chance would I have of selling a $6K coin collection?

And normally I would have the high road here and be able to say something but my grandfather made my mom a china cabinet - nothing fancy but solid oak with hand carved details that the man built entirely by hand for her and she was going to sell it. I couldn't stand the idea of someone else owning it so it now sits in our dining room, next to our really nice china cabinet and every time I bitch about that goddamned waffle iron she brings up the China cabinet, which I don't think is fair but I like pussy and want to get some of it once in awhile.

I have been cleaning out shit for at least 5 years now and maybe only once has she ever asked me where something was I threw away, which of course I played dumb about and she moved onto to whatever else caught her attention.

I just remembered, I also took an old tool box that belonged to my father. Its a rusty worthless piece of shit, but it was his. Not even sure why I want it, half the tools in it have someone elses name on it where he borrowed them over the years and never returned them. They are tools I'd never use anymore like a drum brake spring tool (who has drum brakes anymore?). Fuck it, I'm throwing that away when I get home.

"which I don't think is fair but I like pussy and want to get some of it once in awhile."

My wife used to use it as a weapon

now she's 49 I think she thinks I could go in a midwife crisis if she withholds.

now pretty much I get it whenever wherever which due to familiarity, pilates, a wife that takes damn good care of herself plus I've got her trained--she will never have to worry about me straying.

but gd I can remeber her withholding fo4r a week and nothing pissed me off then using it as a weapon for ssome nitpick slight she felt I had done

Heh @ "midwife crisis." Freudian.

"on the plus side she lets me do anything I want "

Anal?

"?my mistake was throwing my mini tantrum about the mixing bowls."

You need to start paying special attention to the shit you want to get rid of. Act like you really like it, then when it "disappears", you can feign pique as well as confusion...

" (who has drum brakes anymore?)"

I had to buy two brake drums last week. Things weighed damn near 100 lbs. each...

I have made a rule in my house that is working so far.

If you bring something new/used into the house, something has to be donated to Goodwill. Etc...

My mother purchased me 3 polo type shirts the other day as she found them on sale. When I got home, I went through my small section of the walk in closet and picked out 3 older shirts to donate.

It works out pretty well especially if you can stay on top of it and during the swap out process, you may be able to get one or two extra items thrown in (justify how you want).

"and maybe only once has she ever asked me where something was I threw away, which of course I played dumb about and she moved onto to whatever else caught her attention."

You make it sound as if your wife could be distracted by one of those key chain laser beams that are mostly used to toy with cats.

"Hey, what happened to that butter churn?"

"I don't know honey. (flips on key chain laser), Hey, what's that on the wall?"

"IIIIEEEEE!! Light bug! Light bug!!!"

" I went through my small section of the walk in closet"

In fairness to your section of the closet, a Sam's Club becomes small when you walk in...

See Rat. That is how you do it. Very organic from Hedge. He let it come to him.

Well played Hedge. Well played.

hedge wrote:"and maybe only once has she ever asked me where something was I threw away, which of course I played dumb about and she moved onto to whatever else caught her attention."

You make it sound as if your wife could be distracted by one of those key chain laser beams that are mostly used to toy with cats.

"Hey, what happened to that butter churn?"

"I don't know honey. (flips on key chain laser), Hey, what's that on the wall?"

"IIIIEEEEE!! Light bug! Light bug!!!"

you're not far off. Usually its me offering a trip to Costco (where my logic is flawed because she buys more stuff). Also trips to Costco earn me sex reward points with no blackout dates