The Goat Pen

Heh

My best halloween costume was when my mom cut some holes in a box and covered it in tin foil, then put a colander on my head and sent me out as a space alien...

I remember one year Ronnie, the kid I went trick or treating with in the neighborhood had a frankenstein mask with a light in the forehead that ran off a 9v battery.

I ended up trading him some chocolate bars to let me wear it because it was the coolest thing ever.

That little fucker always had better shit than me.

I crashed his brand new cox airplane Xmas day about 2 years later and it ended any friendship we had after that.

My best halloween memory: I was 13, and over at my best friend's house. We had made our costumes and put on make-up to look like monsters or zombies or whatever when he heard his older sister drive up. So, he got this genius idea that we'd hide in her closet and jump out and scare her when she got in.

The closet had french doors with slats, so we could see through. She came in, slammed the door behind her and immediately disrobed. We froze and a few seconds later she was naked and admiring her body in the mirror.

She then plopped down on the bed and scratched her enormous 1970's bush and rubbed under her breasts for what seemed like hours.

Hell, I'm getting a chub just thinking about it.

So he watched his sister?

He says he turned away. I can neither confirm or deny. Says he kept quiet because she would have killed him for being in the closet when she was naked.

I admit to sneaking a few peeks at my older teenage sister when I was 10-11. At those ages, you would have looked at anything disrobe.

FREAK!!!

when I was around 10, I'd walk almost 2 miles to the local gas station just to look at Heavy Metal magazine with cartoon boobies.

Then at 11 or so, I found a discarded playboy in the creek just under the bridge. It was wet and barely held together, but it was the best thing that happened to me that summer.

Thank you big brother. I knew where he hid his stash

"So he watched his sister?"

Who wouldn't?

"Then at 11 or so, I found a discarded playboy in the creek just under the bridge. It was wet and barely held together, but it was the best thing that happened to me that summer."

I think I found that same issue...

Wet from the creek?

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Live free or die!!

Who wouldn't?

Not you, obviously.

I don't have any sisters so I have no idea.

Owlman wrote:Thank you big brother. I knew where he hid his stash

I subscribe to Playboy.They kept sending me offers after my subscription runs out to get it for like $18 so off and on for the past 5 years of so I've subscribed.

I leave them slightly hidden but easily found, like between the towels in the towel shelf of the basement bathroom.

That's my gift to my son.

So how many times does he go down there to take a shit each day? I am guessing around 4-5.

My best friend growing up's father had boxes...literally boxes...of old Playboys and Penthouses in his attic. It was my first unfiltered look at all the parts of a woman that I only could speculate based off of horrible drawings done by my older brothers (it also taught me early on that Penthouse was better at cutting to the chase than Playboy...for my 10 years old taste). In an unrelated point, my best friend's father ran off with their neighbor, named Mrs. Furbush. It wasn't as funny of a name back then. Wisdom comes with age.

My best Halloween costume was actually when I was an adult about 10 years, or so, ago. It was me in an afro wig and a flowy white shirt, black slacks, and a wand with a stuffed white tiger attached to my neck. I was Seigfried and Leroy. My boy George dressed as Elian Gonzalez' mother...with a seaweed wig. We went hard in the "inappropriate" category that year.

I think only once but it usually lasts for about 2 hours.

Whats funny to me is I'm sure he thinks he's slicker than shit - finding the old man's stash.

Honestly, after looking at internet porn for so long, I don't even bother to look at pictures in Playboy anymore, unless its a celebrity. I don't like that photoshop/airbrushed stuff, I like it real and gritty. I do like 20 questions, the Playboy Adviser and usually the interview with whoever is their big catch for the month. Clearly I am out of the age demographic for them - considering they have a section on video games, and I don't really get the appeal of telling me which 200K sports car I should buy.

When I was older and working at a pizza place, a guy I knew also worked at some magazine distribution company and asked me one day if I wanted a box of dirty magazines. I was thinking, yea sure - believing I'd get a playboys, penthouse, maybe if I was lucky a hustler. So I give him the keys to my car and goes out, grabs the magazines and put them in my trunk.They weren't originally intended for me, but another guy who didn't show up and guy who pilfered them didn't want his GF to see them in his car, so I was the lucky recipient. Later on that night, I get home and anxiously go get the magazines, about maybe 100 of them in one of those white plastic tote boxes you get from the post office, and it was filled with the craziest shit I've ever seen. Like magazines you think were a joke - Tranny Monthly, Bitches in Heat, Fighting Women, and some more subtle ones - High Society, Gallery, Oui, etc.

I don't think I ever knew a man could have titties and a dick until I saw those magazines. So then I'm like - am I supposed to like this stuff?.

You know what I eventually did with it? Put them in a trash bag and dumped them in the creek.

You're welcome 5th graders of 1985, Future City Kentucky.