The Goat Pen

An ideal night out is stepping onto my porch area and grilling up a thick slab of something's flesh.

Hedge, have you tried out this rum yet:

Ron de Jeremy: the adult rum

broke out the camper this weekend to take it on a shakedown cruise before we start doing the heavy stuff later this summer.

Went to a local state park called Hueston Woods.

Lessons learned on our first outing of the summer

One, their idea of a camping space is literally sharing your level pad where it is assumed you put your camper with another camper less than 1 foot away from you, and as luck would have it, the way it was configured our door opened in to theirs. And the guy that was camping was nice enough but he was with his wife and they were chaperoning about 12 girl scouts that were sleeping in tents on the back of the campsite. FUCK THAT NOISE.

So I drove around and found and empty site, went to the campsite office and made the switch, no biggie

We get unloaded, set up the camper , move picnic tables and what not and make a dinner. Since I've been helping with scouts, I've learned all these outdoor cooking tricks so I bring a dutch oven and we have a big meal with peach cobbler for dessert.

Another lesson learned - bathrooms make or break your experience camping at a campsite.

Now my wife and I have been together going on 14 years and its all good but we ain't at the point where I can just pick out a stump in the woods and go take a shit while she is sitting there in a campchair roasting marshmallows so we're reliant on having bathrooms of good working order and some level of cleanliness in order to make our camping experience tolerable. These...to say the least...were not.

It was hit or miss if the toilet flushed - "THE" toilet, as in one for about 40 people in a camping section. I felt the need and walked in and saw a turd the size of an alligator that the previous guy left as a gift for me and I just turtle headed it back to the fire and suffered.

Eventually I decided to wander up to the big bath house where there are showers and supposedly better bathrooms. I get up there and yes, the bathrooms are better but there are no stalls, there are just shower curtains. At this point I feel like I have a bowling ball in my colon so I just sit down and get on it. I'm sitting there with my feet stuck out from under the shower curtain as more a courtesy than a functional act and holding the curtain shut on the side where people walk in just to spare everyone the site of me with a grimaced look on my face giving birth to big brownie.

Now I'm sitting there, I have all my logistics worked out and I'm taking a well deserved frank when I hear a woman in the shower next to me talking to a man.
Now I'm gripped with fear - stopped mid turd - did I walk into the woman's restroom? No, I distinctly remember a guy putting on shoes when I walked in. Did I bust out a huge fart as soon as I sat down? You know what? fuck it - if it don't bother her, it don't bother me, I'm not breaking this one off and have mud butt the rest of the day for anyone. I finish up and leave, mentally preparing myself for what kind of chit chat I was going to have with her if we made eye contact at the sink, but she was still in the shower when I left.

By the second night, none of us had showered and we all dreaded going up to the shower house to take a shower. To add to the decision, we also forgot breakfast for the second day and I didn't want to take the family to a restaurant pulling a camper behind me, so feeling grungy, soon to be hungry and not wanting to build up another poop to share with the horny campwoman, we decided to head out early.

We got home about 11:30 Saturday night, took showers and hit the bed. Left the camper hooked up in the yard until the next day.

We're supposed to go camping again in 2 weeks. The next camp site I picked out specifically because of the online reviews of the bathrooms.

eCat...lol @ your story.

I HATE CAMPING. There, I said it. Husband digs the tent scene. I hate sleeping in a sleeping bag on hard rock ground. I hate waking up with that sticky, crummy feeling and having to traipse half of the campground to get to a shower, passing everyone that watches the grungy me as I pass by. But the bathrooms are the main thing with me, too. I just can't share a bathroom with 40 women in a line each in their stall. Sorry. Ain't gonna happen. Call me a prissy sissy, I don't care. I will never camp again.

Same here. I can't stand camping.

well for me now, I don't give a fuck if you got a pool, a pristine lake, shuffleboard or even a nude beach,

you better have a bunch of gleaming sparkling clean flush toilets with some privacy and some shower stalls that aren't full of pubic hair covered soap shavings or I'm going home!

I do the tent thing with the boys scouts and no one showers the entire weekend. I have my suspicions that I may be the only one, male or female, that brushes his teeth.

But our camper has A/C, HDTV with DVD, and very comfortable beds . I like the idea of going to a place that has some great wilderness to offer, but with my wife and kids together, a tent is a pain in the ass.

I could do the primitive thing with my wife but it would have to be goal oriented, like hiking up a mountain or something - where we are dead tired, just eat a m.r.e. and then crash in the tent kind of thing.

"Now my wife and I have been together going on 14 years and its all good but we ain't at the point where I can just pick out a stump in the woods and go take a shit while she is sitting there in a campchair roasting marshmallows"

BigRedMan gets to that level in the first week...

Stump shitter!

I've been to Hueston Woods as a kid. Had a lovely time. Of course, we were staying in the Lodge/hotel/whatever you want to call it.

Oy even the trailer grounds at Wild Wings on Lake Erie could be dodgy when it came to toilets. Taking a shower in your trailer is fine, but no one wants to take a shit in it. Besides as far as hot water goes, there usually was only enough for one in the morning in the trailer anyways. The showers at Wild Wings were quarter operated, the penny pinching fuckers. And the toilets. Well, usually only one of the 3 or 4 stalls would have a functional locking mechanism so you either got lucky and got that stall, or you gripped what you could of the inside of the door to keep it from swinging open or else just hoped you could speed poop quicker than the feller that was in the locked stall so he wouldn't need see you dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool in the mirror when he went to warsh his hands (if he did warsh 'em.)

nd I just turtle headed it back to the fire and suffered.

you mean the shit went back up your butt like a turtle withdrawing his head back into his shell?

I agree about the bathrooms. We went to Yogi in the Smokies in Cherokee last summer and those bathrooms were pretty good. in fact the whole joint was good but only the kind of place you should go if you have kids 8 or under.

I went to see the Dead in Alpine Valley in Wisconsin one summer about 20 years ago and had to take a dump the first day we were there. It was 100 degrees and I went to the portajohn armed with cigarettes and a bandana. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I didn't shit again until we got to the McDonalds in the nearby town 4 days later.

Pussies, all of you...

TheBigMook wrote:Stump shitter!

I've been to Hueston Woods as a kid. Had a lovely time. Of course, we were staying in the Lodge/hotel/whatever you want to call it.

Oy even the trailer grounds at Wild Wings on Lake Erie could be dodgy when it came to toilets. Taking a shower in your trailer is fine, but no one wants to take a shit in it. Besides as far as hot water goes, there usually was only enough for one in the morning in the trailer anyways. The showers at Wild Wings were quarter operated, the penny pinching fuckers. And the toilets. Well, usually only one of the 3 or 4 stalls would have a functional locking mechanism so you either got lucky and got that stall, or you gripped what you could of the inside of the door to keep it from swinging open or else just hoped you could speed poop quicker than the feller that was in the locked stall so he wouldn't need see you dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool in the mirror when he went to warsh his hands (if he did warsh 'em.)

the reason I used that stump example is because my brother went camping several years ago somewhere in Montana. The campsite they chose was full and there wasn't another nearby so with lack of better options they just found a remote area, parked the car and setup their tent in a clearing off in the woods.

At some point the need hit him and he wandered out in the woods to do his thing. He found a hollowed out stump that sat about 3 feet off the ground, decided it was his best option and proceeded to climb up it and get down to business.

So he is sitting there with his feet dangling off the ground, his pants around his ankles , his ass cheeks gingerly spread out over rough cut bark, pooping in a hollowed out stump and his wife pops up out of nowhere with their camera and starts taking pictures of him, laughing her ass off at him. I guess he was committed and not able to hop off so he just sat thru it cursing and threatening her to stop. He is retelling me the story and I'm cracking up at the idea of him telling his wife he was gonna beat her if she didn't stop taking his picture.

I still crack up at the idea of him in his "the thinker" pose on a stump taking a shit.

I'm sure whatever animal was using that as a shelter was equally thrilled to return and find the mess he left it.

"I still crack up at the idea of him in his "the thinker" pose on a stump taking a shit.:

The Thinker? I always thought that was The Shitter...

eCat wrote: I just turtle headed it back to the fire and suffered.

I’ll try to get him to work far out,” the boy said. “Then if you hook something truly big we can come to your aid.”

“He does not like to work too far out,”

No,” the boy said. “But I will see something that he cannot see such as a bird working and get him to come out after dolphin.”

“Are his eyes that bad?”

“He is almost blind.”

“It is strange,” the old man said. “He never went turtle-ing. That is what kills the eyes.”

“But you went turtle-ing for years off the Mosquito Coast and your eyes are goods.”

“I am a strange old man.”

Lmao. only fools go camping in the middle of summer!

I could do the primitive thing with my wife but

damn dude, i'll gladly do some primitive things with your wife, based on the partial pics and stories i've seen...

and with your wife too, stu, (based on hedgehogge's recommendations and remarks)...

Happy Fathers Day to all the guys and Cat, congrats on the new kitties!

Bon appetite!

[img2]http://cmsimg.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcsi ... h=465&q=60[/img2]

He is quite the picture of health.