The Goat Pen

Professor Tiger wrote:

i don't get all the flack people throw toward Saban / staff re... medical hardships.

You're wasting your time. People won't let facts stand on the way of an unreasonable hatefest.

Please note that I said "SEC." I did not single out Bama or Saban. IIRC, the worst oversign/medical redshirt offender was Ole Miss.

The story of Manti Te'o and his fictitious girlfriend has been a major news story for over a week. The former Notre Dame All-American linebacker circulated a story about his girlfriend who died of cancer. That story has now been exposed as a hoax.

Now, a new accusation has surfaced that Auburn University is behind the Te'o hoax and an attempted coverup. Famed Las Vegas bookmaker Danny Sheridan held a press conference and announced that two Auburn boosters are behind the Te'o incident.

"I have been tracking this story for months," Mr. Sheridan said. "In the spring of 2012, Milton McGregor and Bobby Lowder knew Mr. Te'o would become one of the top players in the country and would be a threat to Auburn if the Tigers ever played Notre Dame in a bowl game. So they hired a young woman to seduce Mr. Te'o and get him to fall in love with her. If Te'o ever played against Auburn at the end of the season, they would leak his relationship to the media and make it look like it was a fake. This would distract Mr. Te'o from his athletic performance and increase the chance of an Auburn victory.

"Of course, the plan turned out to be completely unnecessary. Auburn was so bad they didn't even go to a bowl, much less play against Mr. Te'o. But for some reason - probably bitterness and spite over Auburn's poor performance this year - Messr's Lowder and McGregor decided to leak the story anyway. They removed all the evidence - texts, emails, phone records, hotel receipts - of Te'o's relationship with the young woman. Poor Mr. Te'o is left with no evidence with which to defend himself in the court of public opinion.

But believe me, ladies and gentlemen, there WAS a girlfriend, and she WAS real. Mr. Te'o was a victim of a very sophisticated and very cruel set up job by boosters of Auburn University. But Lowder and McGregor are now dealing with me, Danny Sheridan. I have contacts throughout the college football world. As part of my investigation, I have uncovered all the lost texts, emails, credit card statements and phone records to prove the existence of that young woman and Mr. Te'o's real relationship with her. I'm going to blow this whole story wide open on the Paul Finebaum show as soon as my attorney gives me permission.

I would just like to say how disappointed I am in Auburn University and their football program. I have always loved and admired Auburn, and always wanted the best for them. But ever since they were caught red-handed paying Cam Newton, I felt it was my responsibility to restore integrity to that program which they lost ever since Doug Barfield left.

And if there is anybody out there who is thinking about associating themselves with a program that will surely get the death penalty (like, say, Jeremy Johnson, Carl Lawson or Reuben Foster), this is your wakeup call."

The Auburn Te'o Scandal Deepens

As the latest scandal involving Auburn University football enters its second day, ESPN is now reporting that two other sources confirm the allegations made by the respected sports investigator Danny Sheridan's revelations yesterday. Mr. Sheridan stated that two wealthy Auburn boosters paid a woman to become the girlfriend of Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o, and then removed all records of the relationship, and spread rumors that Te'o fabricated the relationship to discredit him in the national media.

The identities of the two sources are officially confidential. However, it is widely believed that the sources are Harvey Updyke, a retired law enforcement officer and part-time arborist, and Brian Downing, manager of a Krystal's restaurant and part-time exotic dancer.

"These revelations of Auburn's set up of Manti Te'o were already serious," said Sports Illustrated sports writer Pete Thamel, "but to have the story corroborated by two knowledgeable and independent sources? That's just devastating to them."

Ivan Maisel of ESPN agrees. "The NCAA will come down hard on this one. I expect the penalties will exceed the sanctions imposed on Penn State since the crimes committed are even worse."

Steve Eder of the New York Times added, "It is an incredible coincidence that this story would go viral just before recruit signing day. This will kill any chance of Auburn signing a good recruiting class. What bluechip athlete would want to sign with a team that will never be on tv or go to a bowl? Any player, like Jeremy Johnson or Carl Lawson or Reuben Foster, would be crazy to do something stupid like that."

Stay tuned to ESPN for late breaking reports on this unfolding scandal.

DooKSucks wrote:Wait until he learns about our AFAM department and attractive female tudors who will do his work and sleep with him!

DooKSucks wrote:Obviously, you haven't been keeping up with the investigations...

Professor Tiger wrote:

DooKSucks wrote:Obviously, you haven't been keeping up with the investigations...

That's true. But if AFAM females had sex with male athletes, they must have been well-compensated to go against their biological programming.