The Goat Pen

What are the odds she did Charlie Sheen as well?

He's already had his ass kicked by a 115 lp model, Vonn could probably beat him to a pulp without a golf club.

Jungle Rat wrote:What are the odds she did Charlie Sheen as well?

High...and by high, I mean a cocaine high.

I guess if you want to commit murder, it is best to do it in South Africa...

http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/- ... -75081734/

Worked for me!

An intersting story of a UNC physics professor, cocaine smuggling and catfishing.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/10/magaz ... d=all&_r=2&

"money trumps everything"

Really going out on a limb there, eh, eCat?

not sure how this is happening but I'm raising quite the prude for a daughter.

a couple of months ago she came home all disgusted after a school dance because there were some girls and boys "grinding" and I think she said freak dancing - not sure what the term was to be honest. Also she was put out that girls were wearing low rider jeans and thong underwear. This is 12 years old mind you

anyways, last night I'm looking to tag a picture of her on facebook and I couldn't do it and I asked her if she locked her facebook page and she tells me "no I deleted it, there were too many people making inappropriate comments"

Now we try to watch our language around the kids and she doesn't know we watch porn (she'd be horrified to find that out), but you guys know me and by proxy, my wife - there is no way on God's green earth any child of mine should turn out like she is. I was worried about having a stripper daughter when she was born. Now I'm worried about her being a nun. And forget about us drinking a glass of wine with dinner - that equates to us being drunk and we have no business driving a car after that. (That is a result of that D.A.R.E. program at school - my son is indoctrinated the same way). Can you imagine a kid voluntarily giving up facebook without even their parents knowing it?

Being the good father I am, I strategically hide my playboys so my son will find them and think he is putting one over on me. Like anyone takes a shit for 45 minutes.

Um

Ahhh...I remember those 45 minute shits.

Wait, that was Tuesday. Never mind.

Well, we should talk...as I'm constructed in much the same sexually deviant way as you...and I'm petrified by daughter will be the one taking 45 minute showers and putting back massagers on her Xmas list. I need to know your secret.

Make her run laps.

I honestly have no idea.

The only time my kids even set foot in church is when they visit my mom once a year.

my wife has a tramp stamp!

I don't get it....at all...but I'm not complaining, just bewildered.

It's like the opposite of the preachers daughter.

The universe finds its balance.

Chances are you'll be longing for these days in a couple of years...

Dave23 wrote:Chances are you'll be longing for these days in a couple of years...

yea, I'm a long way from being out of the woods in this.

one boyfriend could wreak havoc on my Ward Cleaver existence.

enjoy 12

fear the teenage years

Two girlfriends will do far more damage than one boyfriend...

Dave23 wrote:Two girlfriends will do far more damage than one boyfriend...

We've had a couple of lucky breaks. She is friends with a girl that lives in an apartment complex that has subsidized housing - and not to cast dispersions on people that live in subsidized housing because the housing is actually pretty nice, but generally its a hangout for kids and as a result, they tend to be progressive for their age.

So they do the sleep over thing at our house , they watch a rated G movie, we order pizza and bake cookies , play on the wii - standard kid stuff and then they do a sleep over at the girl's family apartment a couple of weekends later. The mom and dad were chain smokers, with a 1 year old, an older and younger brother - all in a 3 bedroom apartment. The mom and dad got into a shouting match around 3am and the whole experience was pretty unsettling for my daughter so we used that as an opportunity to tell her how we don't judge people (when really, yea we do...big time) but do you understand now why we had concerns about you hanging out at those apartments? So its was kinda like exposing your kid to chicken pox so they never get it again. I exposed her to white trash so she'll never hang out with them again. (I hope)

Another time, and I mentioned this on here a few years back, when she was like maybe 8, she spent the night at a friends house who had 3 older sisters and they break out this Kama Sutra sex position book. This is the first time my daughter had even realized what sex was and she is seeing it in all its full hadji curry glory. That pissed me off to the point that we talked to the parents and said you need to get your shit straight in that house. They denied it at first which made our friendship icy but eventually they admitted it happened. Anyways, it messed up my daughter. She slept in our bed for about a week and in retrospect, I think it might have actually been a good thing, for reasons yet undetermined to me, she shows absolutely no interest in seeing anything sexual, even looking away when people kiss on TV. I'll ride that sexual dysfunction as a father as far as it will take me.