Auburn Tigers

[Professor Tiger]

Before you have a stroke, I reiterate below:

i don't get all the flack people throw toward Saban / staff re... medical hardships.

You're wasting your time. People won't let facts stand on the way of an unreasonable hatefest.

Please note that I said "SEC." I did not single out Bama or Saban. IIRC, the worst oversign/medical redshirt offender was Ole Miss.

[AlabamAlum]

I didn't have a stroke. I was making the case that there should not be anything called a medical hardship "offender".

[Professor Tiger]

BS. You were mad because you thought I was bashing Alabama, hence the repeated Auburn references.

[GBJs]

Well Prof, even though this one was not, your normal tirade is directed towards Nick / Alabama. I simply made comment the medical schollies are not directed by Nick, the Docs have everything to do with who is cleared physically to play. Nick, nor any other coach should, have any say so.

And I'll have you know I'M the one who started the Auburn slur this time!!! AA just filled in the blanks because I'm still new at this stuff. The slur was needed due to lack of competition on the field of play the last couple of seasons... actually 4 of the last 5... Yes, I still miss Tubbs.

At least Alabama cares enough to give a full ride to an injured player whether he was a front line contributor or not... why do all other universities hate their players so much?

[Professor Tiger]

I will sleep better tonight knowing that the virtue of oversigning/medical hardships has been so ably defended here. And by fans of a school that never, ever practiced it. Your sense of selfless public service knows no bounds.

[AlabamAlum]

You lumping oversigning in with medical hardship scholarships is idiotic.

[Professor Tiger]

Keep fighting the noble fight, AA. The honor of medical hardships has been impugned far too long and now must be defended. We are all fortunate to have you picking up the gauntlet for the rest of us.

[AlabamAlum]

Yep. You're still a moron.

[Professor Tiger]

The Mant Te'o case takes a new and surprising twist:

The story of Manti Te'o and his fictitious girlfriend has been a major news story for over a week. The former Notre Dame All-American linebacker circulated a story about his girlfriend who died of cancer. That story has now been exposed as a hoax.

Now, a new accusation has surfaced that Auburn University is behind the Te'o hoax and an attempted coverup. Famed Las Vegas bookmaker Danny Sheridan held a press conference and announced that two Auburn boosters are behind the Te'o incident.

"I have been tracking this story for months," Mr. Sheridan said. "In the spring of 2012, Milton McGregor and Bobby Lowder knew Mr. Te'o would become one of the top players in the country and would be a threat to Auburn if the Tigers ever played Notre Dame in a bowl game. So they hired a young woman to seduce Mr. Te'o and get him to fall in love with her. If Te'o ever played against Auburn at the end of the season, they would leak his relationship to the media and make it look like it was a fake. This would distract Mr. Te'o from his athletic performance and increase the chance of an Auburn victory.

"Of course, the plan turned out to be completely unnecessary. Auburn was so bad they didn't even go to a bowl, much less play against Mr. Te'o. But for some reason - probably bitterness and spite over Auburn's poor performance this year - Messr's Lowder and McGregor decided to leak the story anyway. They removed all the evidence - texts, emails, phone records, hotel receipts - of Te'o's relationship with the young woman. Poor Mr. Te'o is left with no evidence with which to defend himself in the court of public opinion.

But believe me, ladies and gentlemen, there WAS a girlfriend, and she WAS real. Mr. Te'o was a victim of a very sophisticated and very cruel set up job by boosters of Auburn University. But Lowder and McGregor are now dealing with me, Danny Sheridan. I have contacts throughout the college football world. As part of my investigation, I have uncovered all the lost texts, emails, credit card statements and phone records to prove the existence of that young woman and Mr. Te'o's real relationship with her. I'm going to blow this whole story wide open on the Paul Finebaum show as soon as my attorney gives me permission.

I would just like to say how disappointed I am in Auburn University and their football program. I have always loved and admired Auburn, and always wanted the best for them. But ever since they were caught red-handed paying Cam Newton, I felt it was my responsibility to restore integrity to that program which they lost ever since Doug Barfield left.

And if there is anybody out there who is thinking about associating themselves with a program that will surely get the death penalty (like, say, Jeremy Johnson, Carl Lawson or Reuben Foster), this is your wakeup call."

[GBJs]

gold...pure gold I tell ya. there are links to the stories all over ESPNUA.com, CNNSIUA.com, CBSSPORTSUA.com... the list goes on. All the nationwide media is running with it like wild fire.

Now surely ALL BARN will ALL BURN and we'll git to laugh at them sumbiches for the roll they played with Fat Flummo that got us put on probation. It's about damn time!!!!

[Professor Tiger]

Speaking of which...

The Auburn Te'o Scandal Deepens

As the latest scandal involving Auburn University football enters its second day, ESPN is now reporting that two other sources confirm the allegations made by the respected sports investigator Danny Sheridan's revelations yesterday. Mr. Sheridan stated that two wealthy Auburn boosters paid a woman to become the girlfriend of Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o, and then removed all records of the relationship, and spread rumors that Te'o fabricated the relationship to discredit him in the national media.

The identities of the two sources are officially confidential. However, it is widely believed that the sources are Harvey Updyke, a retired law enforcement officer and part-time arborist, and Brian Downing, manager of a Krystal's restaurant and part-time exotic dancer.

"These revelations of Auburn's set up of Manti Te'o were already serious," said Sports Illustrated sports writer Pete Thamel, "but to have the story corroborated by two knowledgeable and independent sources? That's just devastating to them."

Ivan Maisel of ESPN agrees. "The NCAA will come down hard on this one. I expect the penalties will exceed the sanctions imposed on Penn State since the crimes committed are even worse."

Steve Eder of the New York Times added, "It is an incredible coincidence that this story would go viral just before recruit signing day. This will kill any chance of Auburn signing a good recruiting class. What bluechip athlete would want to sign with a team that will never be on tv or go to a bowl? Any player, like Jeremy Johnson or Carl Lawson or Reuben Foster, would be crazy to do something stupid like that."

Stay tuned to ESPN for late breaking reports on this unfolding scandal.

[bluetick]

Speaking of Carl Lawson...I think we're now ahead in the, uh, bidding.

[DooKSucks]

Wait until he learns about our AFAM department and attractive female tudors who will do his work and sleep with him!

In all seriousness, I don't think we will get the visit this weekend. He has been changing his mind too much.

[hedge]

Kinda like how you constantly change your mind about being a Cowboys and/or Redskins fan...

[Jungle Rat]

Point

[Professor Tiger]

Wait until he learns about our AFAM department and attractive female tudors who will do his work and sleep with him!

UNCCH is notoriously liberal, so the AFAM department there must be borderline Maoist. Any female "tudors" [sic] would be neither attractive nor interested in sleeping with males.

[DooKSucks]

Obviously, you haven't been keeping up with the investigations...

[hedge]

"Any female "tudors" [sic] would be neither attractive nor interested in sleeping with males."

Why the "sic"? UNC only hires direct descendants of Henry VIII...

[Professor Tiger]

Obviously, you haven't been keeping up with the investigations...

That's true. But if AFAM females had sex with male athletes, they must have been well-compensated to go against their biological programming.

[AugustWest]

Obviously, you haven't been keeping up with the investigations...

That's true. But if AFAM females had sex with male athletes, they must have been well-compensated to go against their biological programming.

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