College Football

[TheBigMook]

Christ Chuckles, have your Terps no shame?

[eCat]

shouldn't those uniforms answer your question?

[Jungle Rat]

He'll like them because they look like a gay soccer uni.

[aTm]

The uniforms were an affront to the senses, but I have to give some serious credit for the fact that apparently they have two sets of arm bands, wraps, and sleeves to wear in black and gold or red and white depending on which arm it needs to be worn on.

[TheBigMook]

I call this look the "Bitch, where's my money?"

[TheBigMook]

Probably only of interest to me... but Coombs appears in four of the pics and Jones appears in only two. I'm sure it has to do with his demonstrable enthusiasm. But when Jones leaves for a shitty Big 10 job, I feel good with Coombs. He loves the school and won't leave like Dontonio, Kelly, and I assume Jones, has been mentored for nearly half a decade at this level now, and kids will love his enthusiasm.

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/2011 ... ws|text|UC

[sardis]

Yeah, Mexico needs to explain...i believe Maryland just supplanted the Oregon Ducks...

[aTm]

http://www.baylor.edu/nation/index.php?id=84714

[BigRedMan]

I was expecting to see Al Pacino coaching on the sidelines and Jamie Foxx coming in as QB for Maryland. WTF was up with that nonsense.

[eCat]

ESPN is to blame for the breakup of Texas rivalries

[Bklyn]

As someone who spent two years working in Baltimore and living in Howard County, MD...I know the sight of those helmets well, bc of Maryland's hideous state flag. After all these years, I still have not gotten used to their offensive onslaught to the senses.

[Ron Mexico]

I don't care if we wear Any Given Sunday uniforms as long as we win. Georgia wore shitbag uniforms and got their asses kicked. We wore shitbag uniforms and won. Big difference, and I guess it had the desired effect of generating buzz even if much of it was negative. Whatever. I'll take the win anyway.

[Saint]

those unis remind me of the WFL from the '70s. even the USFL had better togs than that.

[TheBigMook]

Its really an unfair advantage to dress in motley. Of course the other team is going to be distracted when a bunch of clowns come running out of a tunnel.

[Jungle Rat]

If I could embed like the old days I would.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/artic ... n-w,21311/

[Jungle Rat]

http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random ... e-stadium/

[THE_WIZARD_]

Why don't you STFU like the old days?

[sardis]

If I could embed like the old days I would.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/artic ... n-w,21311/

You gotta love the soccer/women's sports section...

[Hizzy III]

Alright, alright... quick and to the point.

Let me throw some previews and picks out there for this weekend. I know, I know, nobody asked me but if we can have the antics of so-called grown men in flaky, tulip-sniffing "uniforms" taking up way too many posts over the previous three months (D'Gaul, Agroid!) then you all can bloody well put up with my shit.

Arizona at Oklahoma State, Thursday, September 8, 8:00 PM

Potential future PAC 60 members clash tonight in Stoolwater, on the farthest reachest of Upper Gooberland. The Goobers will be out in force, especially since the richest Goober of them all, Boone Pickett (See? Even their names exude a certain gooberish panache) will be rattling his gooberstick and demanding success, goddamnit, before he bothers to throw even one more shilling into the program. Arizona, meanwhile, has an identity problem: are they the wide open attack on offense that we've seen at times over the past year or two, one that's predicated on throwing it around 40-plus times, or are they the team that you would more associate with Mike Stoops's persona--you know, tight-assed, weasel-snouted and not all that keen on guys with long hair (blonde or nappy) flying out of their back of their helmets? Regardless, the 'Pokes aren't quite as bad on D as last Saturday's score against ULa-La suggested. 14 of those points came from Brandon Weedon's arm, which may be cause for concern in a different direction. But not too much of one. The home team's a little too strong for the 'Cats. So go with the Goober. Cowboy Creme Pops 34, Desert Done-In 24

Missouri at Arizona State, Friday, September 9, 10:30 PM

We don't think that we're being all that hard on Mizzou when we say that, offensively, they looked like the 1977 Atlanta Falcons--which, as you might have guessed, isn't a good thing. For those of you who don't recall, the 1977 Atlanta Falcons hold the post-1970 NFL merger record for fewest points per game allowed. And yet that season they managed only a 7-7 record. Why? The fuckers couldn't score. They lost three games that year in which they held the opponent to under 10 points. TEN!! That was Missouri last Saturday. Seventeen points, at home, versus Miami of OH. Seventeen painfully manufactured points. Granted, in a win, but still. It was a performance so uninspired that the play-by-play guy actually got confused and called one of the Missouri punts a "fly ball to center field that'll end the inning." Given that Arizona State is expected to field one of the PAC 932's best defenses in 2011, I wouldn't expect the Tigers to be 2-0 by next week. Tempe's Tempests 20, Show Me A Goddamn Offense 10

Mississippi State at Auburn, Saturday, September 10, 12:20 PM

If CBS had any pull with the US Open (or at least enough to pull their heads out of their own asses), they'd have this tennis business done by the end of Labor Day weekend. No, instead, CBS gets to basically miss the first two weekends of the college season and a significant portion of the NFL season because they're showing you tennis. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like tennis, but it shouldn't be interfering with football programming. Anywho, CBS' loss. Oh well. This could've been CBS' SEC game of the week. Instead, it's a Jefferson Pilot special or maybe it's Jefferson Airplane or maybe it pre-empts an episode of the Jeffersons. Something. Whichever. As for the actual game, well, shit, man you don't need to be Jimmy the Greek or Pete Axthelm to see this one coming: you, Auburn, gave up 38 points at home to a school that goes by the initials of USU. Let that sink... now, here comes Mississippi State. You know, a legit SEC team, who'll sport one of the conferences best defenses in 2011 and who's scored a combined 100-plus points in their last two games dating back to last year's bowl blowout win over Michigan. Damn the Pecan Plains. Bulldogs bite that ass. Hard. Magnolia State Mad Dogs 30, Reddish Brown 20

Alabama at Penn State, Saturday, September 10, 3:30 PM

One would think that at some point there'd be some kind of glitch at 'Bama where replacing talent takes a wee bit longer to pan out but give St. Saban credit; he seems to be able to plug in guys and keep it rolling. Happy Valley probably won't be all that happy at approximately 7:00 PM on Saturday, give or take the time it requires for the downtrodden to finally stumble out of the stadium. Not all that impressed by the Lions' passing game, although first-game-of-the-year impressions aren't always the best way to look at the longterm. In any case, we don't see enough on the Penn State offense to make us call the upset in this one. Washing Powder 24, Will Joe Even Be Awake At Halftime? 14

BYU at Texas, Saturday, September 10, 7:00 PM

BYU was anything but a juggernaut on offense in their by-the-skin-of-their-teeth win in Oxford last week but they did show some things on defense. How much of that is due to Houston Nutt's all-too-prominent periods of headscratching play selection is not quite certain. Still, given that Texas still didn't quite look like a team that's figured out its own offensive ills from last year in their win over Rice last week, this may be enough to give the Cougars their second big road win to start the season. Then again, starting the season with two games on the road against two BCS teams is a bit much to ask. Luckily for the Coogs, the weather's dropped to more Utah-like summer temperatures over the last week. Every little bit helps. Or not. The REAL Big Twe(1)lve 20, Mormons 16

Notre Dame at Michigan, Saturday, October 10, 8:00 PM

And now we're in the fourth iteration of "The Irish Are Back", this one being the Brian Kelly one. Frankly, it's starting to get old. Big game, big stage, lots of anticipation (again), a national audience, at home, blah-blah-blah, and yet another Irish bedshit. And not just any old type of bedshit. I mean, the kind where you hire independent cleaning crews to come in and clean up for you. You don't dare touch such a mess yourself. Um, um, no, lawd! Anyway, the Irish do, however, have the ability--and the history--of coming back from such a fiasco and winning at least one game that most would say, "No, no goddamn way." This could be one of those deals. Michigan was workman-like in their abreviated win over roll-over-and-gimmie-the-check Western Michigan (if we were Broncos fans, we'd be livid that our coach/AD/whoever agreed to call a game midway through the third quarter, even if we were down by 24 points; talk about mailing it in). Expect the Wolves to be keyed up and anxious to keep the truck rolling, especially over one of their most hated rivals. The problem is, Michigan's had a tendency recently of sucking balls in games like this (that is, games that might help them turn the corner). If the Wolves have truly improved the D, they win this one. If not, Irish Creme for everyone. Boyos 28, Hoke-UM (get it!) 24

[Dr. Nostron]

No UGA/SC??

Revise and resubmit.