North Carolina Tar Heels

[hedge]

I wish you were distracted and fall into the Grand Canyon

You falling into the Grand Canyon would be like me falling into a ditch...

[BigRedMan]

Heh.

I mean....asshole.

[eCat]

[eCat]

Mason County Sheriff's Department


Christopher Taylor is wanted after cutting off his home confinement ankle bracelet. The prior arrest of Taylor, he attempted to strike the arresting officer in the face, then attempted to run away, but was apprehended after a short chase.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of Taylor, please contact the Mason County Sheriff's Office at 304-675-3838 during business hours. Contact Control 911 if you see him, or the non-emergency number 304-675-9911.


Amiri King Check the middle of the mall
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Eddie Fosnaugh
Eddie Fosnaugh I bet you can see his feet in his drivers license picture.
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Roy Wright
Roy Wright In his defense, the ankle bracelet was probably chafing his inner thigh....
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Charles Laughead
Charles Laughead Have they tried following the yellow brick road?
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Brandon Fitch
Brandon Fitch Check all the big oak trees he probably went back to baking cookies..
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Jordan Moya
Jordan Moya Give it a few weeks and some rain, the grass will be tall enough you’ll be able to hear him giggle as he runs.
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Steve Andrews
Steve Andrews Ya got to hand it to him though. Cause he cant reach it himself.
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Sashia N. Carper
Sashia N. Carper It was a short chase
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Tim Hill
Tim Hill I saw him today. He was under a bridge. I had to answer 3 questions, before I could cross.
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JD Lewis
JD Lewis He lost his shins in the war after he killed fitty men. How about a “little” respect.
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Joseph Block
Joseph Block If he was a psychic he would be a small medium, at large.
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Shannon Golden-Designs
Shannon Golden-Designs Christopher "Tiny" Taylor escaped so for once in his life he could be considered "at large".
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Macayla Hopkins
Macayla Hopkins I’m sure he couldn’t have run that far with a full diaper.
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Jason Freeman
Jason Freeman You’ll never catch him or his Lucky Charms!
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Ed Bogle
Ed Bogle When he was arrested, he told the arresting officer, “I’m not happy.” The officer replied, “OK, then, which one are you?”
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[eCat]

sorry I wasn't done posting yet

[Jungle Rat]

Too funny

[BigRedMan]

"He lost his shins in the war after he killed fitty men. How about a “little” respect."

That one made me laugh very loudly at my desk.

[Jungle Rat]

We saw the Richter Scale reports

[Jungle Rat]

Impressive

[DooKSucks]

This morning a damp wind rushed in through my partially opened bedroom window and ruffled the crumpled cotton sheets. The early morning sun struggled to break through ominous gray clouds in a weak attempt to top the dark hills that roughly frame my land. The neighbors’ dogs yelped and howled at the distant claps of thunder over the cacophonous soundtrack of an old riding lawnmower. The squeaky hinge of a storm-loosened shutter screamed for oil. This harsh and obnoxious clatter finally forced an unwilling Morpheus to relinquish his control of my dream-like, semiconscious state.

I am now awake, but I certainly don’t want to be.

Against my will - and much like a junkie driven by an irrepressible jones - the smell of freshly brewed coffee pulls me from my bed and I lumber to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of hot comfort. Groggily, I drink, rub my aching brow, and yawn. Time is in limbo. With the kitchen window closed the sounds that so rudely pulled me from my deep slumber are now inaudible. It is quiet - almost reverent. All is calm until the memory of yesterday wrestles my thoughts from me.

Did it really happen? Could it be true? I have to know for sure.

The cup is now empty but my dealer, Mr. Coffee, is beckoning me to return for another dose. Summoning my dubious willpower, I ignore its siren song and open my front door and proceed to trip through the cool morning dew of my yard to retrieve the chronicle of the previous day’s events: the Wednesday morning paper.

Upon return, and with the second cup of coffee in hand, I quickly discard the unnecessary and wholly irrelevant front-page and classifieds. Sales papers and obituaries are cast asunder and festooned around my living room. With malice, the travel and business sections are quickly dispatched as I secure the object of my frantic search: The sports page. My mind is racing: Did I dream it? Was it a figment of my imagination? Was my drunken state responsible for conjuring some joyous memory of yore and superimposing it on my present-day reality? Did Liverpool FC really rally from a 3-0 deficit to win 4-3? Was fitting tribute once again placed at the recently defiled Altars of Shankley, Paisley, Rush and Dalglish?

The Truth is confirmed: Liverpool FC did post a glorious and valiant victory in the battle with the evil Catalans, their arrogant star and his two, loathsome, traitorous henchmen. The taste of my coffee sweetens with the thought. I quickly read and re-read the article as if the box score would transmogrify in front of my sleepy eyes and betray my now contented mind. To my nervous relief the words hold true to their original message and the cosmic change on my surroundings is instantly palpable.

Like the promise of a rainbow after a storm, the day begins to take on a warm luster. The Earth is now a better, happier place. The foreboding heavens follow suit as the storm clouds hurriedly retreat from view and give way to a vibrant and intense sunlight that shines more vividly than anytime in recent memory. The visual rapture of that brightness overflows onto the surrounding hills and bathes the entire area with a divine brilliance that provides a shimmering, iridescent halo to all that it touches.

This breathtaking and spiritually reborn vista is joined in perfect accompaniment by the clean, sweet scent of my once dying - now thriving - magnolia trees. The recently blighted, brown-leafed trees now proudly flaunt healthy hues of rich forest green. Birds return to their nests and squirrels zigzag across the plush lawn. Children laugh and play and run and sing the happy songs of youth and innocence again. Like dominoes, one positive turn leads to another as happiness spreads from house to house; from neighborhood to neighborhood; from city to city; and, ultimately, the entire Earth returns to its correct axis and orbit.

I am now comforted and my psyche healed. I am whole. And like the Israelites, after wandering in the wilderness for years, I will take this miraculous manna from heaven and nourish myself until completely sated. The villainous usurper is banished and contentment and joy - rapturous joy - are scepter and orb symbols of the returned and rightful King.

Above, heaven and gods blush with obvious envy at their worldly superiors. Truly, this game was the salve and nectar that my battered soul craved.

[aTm]

I aint reading all that shit, but im guessing it has to do with Liverpool almost winning something?

[AlabamAlum]

Pretty sure I have an IP claim if I can prove he profited from its use.

[10ac]

Isn't plagiarism the accepted norm at UNC?

[eCat]

Isn't plagiarism the accepted norm at UNC?

that would require they actually do something

[Jungle Rat]

What the hell was that?

[Saint]

Bad Crow

[hedge]

Pretty sure I have an IP claim if I can prove he profited from its use.

I sent him a dollar. Call your lawyer...

[AlabamAlum]

My lawyer is Talent. Pretty sure I am fucked.

[Jungle Rat]

Just claiming you know him tell us that.

[eCat]

spent the day in Camden Tennessee after taking my Mom back home to Nashville.

My grandfather died in 1929 when my father was 7. Dad never really knew him or talked of him much, and Dad died in 1986 when I was 19 and didn't really give 2 shits about family heritage. All I knew was he was caught messing around with the sheriff's wife and the sheriff shot him. He wasn't able to do much after that and died of consumption (tuberculosis) 2 years after the shooting.

Now with Ancestry.com, I've been able to trace back our history with some branches going back to the 1600's.

At any rate, I was able to find the death certificate of my grandfather that showed where he was buried. I was also able to find the graveyards of his mother and father - all of them with 12 miles of each other, so today my brother and I went there to see the area where my old man was raised until he was 9 and try to find the graves. I actually started this a couple of years ago and ancestry.com has improved over the years as more people contribute and they have improved their search features.

We found the grave yards, but unfortunately many of the grave stones were so weather worn, the letters and dates were rubbed down. so we struck out 0-3. We were able to find some other relatives but they weren't direct line to us so it was a bit of a let down. Reading up about the graveyard it says there are some graves unmarked , I assume where the family just couldn't afford even a simple headstone. I suspect that is the case with my grandfather.

My mom and brother told me some stories the old man had told them over the years shortly after his father died. Its heartbreaking to hear how bad they had it, but it paints a pretty clear picture of how he became the father I knew.

Anyways, I guess that chapter is closed. I'm going to arrange to have a headstone made up and placed in the graveyard for my grandfather. I'm certain it won't be his grave but he'll at least have some marker , probably more than his family could provide for him at the time of his death.

One of the graveyards we went to they had concrete blocks marking the graves. That bothered me.