Uncle Bud

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:04 am

2 lbs. a week is actually pretty significant. It will probably start to get less than that as you lose more. What is your target? Where were you when you started?

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:24 am

I just don't want to sweat anymore when I eat

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:48 am

How much weight did you lose when you had the Bell's palsey?

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:51 am

hedge wrote:How much weight did you lose when you had the Bell's palsey?

they put me steroids, I think I gained weight

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:35 am

What are you trying to get down to? Do you even have a number in mind or are you just going to see how you feel when you get there?

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:37 am

Apropos nothing, really:

"In the winter of 1918, the radical writer and editor Max Eastman wrote to his soon to be ex-wife, Ida Rauh:

'II always thought that the avidity with which you could drink up the blood of sacrifice and devotion and still be unsatisfied was truly terrible.… Your conception of what must be given to you seems colossal and hideous, and you rise in my eyes as an unslakable monster of selfishness.'"

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:07 pm

hedge wrote:What are you trying to get down to? Do you even have a number in mind or are you just going to see how you feel when you get there?

I'd like to lose 30 - 40 pounds, its as a point where it really is affecting me now. My boss is a couple of years older than me and about 20 pounds heavier. Watching him walk down stairs was an eye opener.

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:35 pm

40 lbs?? Goddamn, fat ass...

Kidding aside, 2 lbs. a week would get you to your goal well before summer, enabling you to don the Speedo, which I'm sure is the real impetus behind all this...

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:06 pm

yep I'm coming in at 242 give or take right now.

That's about 6 donuts past husky

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:20 pm

Where were you before you started the low carb diet? 260? Damn, and I thought Stu had let himself go. Well, at least you're doing something about it now. Stu is, too, but he's claiming it's b/c he can't afford food...

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 4:06 pm

hedge wrote:Where were you before you started the low carb diet? 260? Damn, and I thought Stu had let himself go. Well, at least you're doing something about it now. Stu is, too, but he's claiming it's b/c he can't afford food...

no, like 247 I haven't been on it a full 3 weeks yet

Jungle Rat · Post by **Jungle Rat** » Thu Dec 21, 2017 6:46 am

Stay away from shrimp.

Saint · Post by **Saint** » Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:33 pm

You must be down to jacking off because there's no way you're laying pipe at that girth.

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:09 am

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:57 pm

[tweet]948638273961734145[/tweet]

eCat · Post by **eCat** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:18 am

From Reddit:

-------------

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

"My what?"

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

"Wtf is a poop knife?"

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.

I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:56 am

"I thought it was standard kit."

That's well put...

Also, what's FML?

AlabamAlum · Post by **AlabamAlum** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:29 am

Fuck My Life.

hedge · Post by **hedge** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:49 am

That makes more sense than the first entry when I googled it, i.e., Fix My Lighthouse...

Jungle Rat · Post by **Jungle Rat** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:05 am

Genius. I have one now.

The Goat Pen

Uncle Bud

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