Ostensibly Hoops

[Jungle Rat]

Goldie drinks whale sperm like Rocky does raw eggs.

[crotch]

UK - Hofstra Highlights.....

[youtube]UxeCcU7LKxc[/youtube]

[DooKSucks]

Well, Dad is receiving hospice care. They told him in 2008 he would be lucky to live five years with the issues he had, but he proved them wrong. However, his body is just worn out. He has a decubitus that won't heal, osteomalitis in his pelvis that is proving to be drug resistant (and what drugs that might work have already made him mostly deaf and destroy the rest of his body). So, he only takes stuff for pain (morphine tablets, ativan, a sleeping medication and oxycodone for breakthrough pain). There is a wonderful hospice facility for acute and long term care in Goldsboro, but the plan is and will be to do in home care with nurses, nurses aides, etc coming to the house each day to help. Plus, mom is a retired Nurse Practitioner (did that for 18 years, was a nurse for 25 years before that), and she knows what to do. Hell, he has outlived expectations (and multiple "this is it" moments) due to what I believe to be his will to live and the level of care she has helped provide.

Last week, during a moment of lucidity, dad asked me if he was dying. I told him yes. He paused, looked at me and then we started going over everything I would need to do once he died to look after his affairs in accordance with the will, look after mom, etc. It was surreal. He told me he could have never done that with his mom, father or uncle (his father died when he was six and his uncle was the closest thing he ever really had to a father) without breaking down. I sat there, took notes, asked questions, etc. It was surreal.

This weekend, things went to hell. It looked as if the time for him to die had come. He had spiked incredibly high fevers, was delirious when awake, had no appetite, wasn't drinking, was only producing a limited amount of very dark urine, was in and out of consciousness, had short breaths, erratic pulse, etc. Then, when a bed opened up in the acute facility, he was transported there. He asked me where he was going, I told him where, and he said "they're sending me there to pass away." That was another one of those surreal moments. Then the old fart fought back. He's still bed ridden. He's still dying, but he isn't on the verge of dying like he was. Heck, they sent him home for in home hospice because he is no longer "acute."

He won't give up. My wife doesn't understand it. I told her that to him, this is just another challenge and another chance to prove someone wrong so he can taunt them when he is right and they were wrong (the man has lived for such things).

Also, this team MIGHT make the NIT without JB2. Ho Le Fuk.

[Jungle Rat]

Sorry dude

[DooKSucks]

Appreciate it. I know you've been through hell watching your parents suffer, as has Hedge with his mom (and others on here). Everyone says they wish they knew it was coming so they could say goodbye, etc. Well, that's bullshit. It needs to be quick and unexpected. Otherwise, the chances are the person is enduring endless suffering. If you spent the time with the person you loved, did right by that person and communicated openly with that person, there is no need for goodbye.

[Bklyn]

If you spent the time with the person you loved, did right by that person and communicated openly with that person, there is no need for goodbye.

I agree, there is no need. That "wish I had another day" is the (good intended) selfishness of those who are left still here. It's totally normal and expected. Still, if I go during this the writing of this post (which would suck, I would hope to leave this place in better company lol), there is no one who matters to me that doesn't know that they matter to me, that I love them and that I know they love me and will miss me. The relationships and experiences we cultivate when we are alive is what endures. It's not the final moments that carry the most weight.

WIth all that said, good on your Pops for having the fight that he has. Sorry for the emotional ride that you and your family are taking as you watch a loved one pass away. It's hard. It's life and it will happen to us all but the sting is real no matter.

I hope you and your whole family have peace throughout all this and props to your Pops.

[crashcourse]

sounds like he did a good job with you.

he probably likes meatier women too

[AlabamAlum]

Sorry to hear that, DS.

[hedge]

Sorry to hear it DS. My mom was at Kitty Askins (I think that's the name), it was real nice. You are correct that if you have lived right, there's no need for goodbyes, but I did take comfort in the fact that many things got to be said again. It is hard to watch at the end, but the body has a will of its own even if the mind is ready to go. Sounds like your dad is a tough customer and at any rate, they do a good job of managing pain at this point, so he's not suffering. It's still hard to watch, though. I still think about my mom every day, I see or read stuff all the time that my first thought is I want to tell her about it. It's been just over two years now, sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times it seems like 10 years or more. Anyway, sorry to hear about this...

[SnoodGator]

Death and dying suck for the living. Stay strong.

[crashcourse]

my dad passed fairly quickly last year-plowing his driveway in the morning and in the icu dying that night --I talked to him over the phone----he couldnt respond and was gone 15 minutes later.
For that reason DS Im glad you and others have the opportunity to plan and communicate--going all of a sudden can really leave your loved ones with a lot of issues
My dad left a shitload of crap we muddled through although in the end he had taken care of the really important stuff and he went just the way he would have wanted to not ever spending more then a day in the hospital...

[eCat]

wishing you strength DS

its been obvious to all of us over the years how close you are to your father.

[DooKSucks]

Thank you all. I don't quite know why I spilled my guts out here, but I did. I guess it's because I know there were people here who could at least empathize without the bullshit you get in other places.

I was going through dad's dresser, bedside table, etc the other day, and he looked at me and said "if you're looking for the guns I keep on me because you're afraid I will become confused and shoot someone like an idiot, they're in my office." lmao

Hedge, you're right. Kitty Askins is a great place. My grandmother was there earlier this fall.

It's already an adjustment because I can talk to him in person but it isn't the same. I am so accustomed to just picking up the phone or going to see him whenever I have a question. We talked about that some just before things became really bad. He explained that I would have my uncles but that at the end of the day I have to realize it's the final part of being a man: not having someone there to always answer a question for you because it's your decision. He said I will always have the lessons he taught me and others to look to for help but that I have to remember to be my own man. Damn brutal shit to think about.

In other news, my father was a player back in his day. My mother as a nurse at the hospital working shifts when they met. She nearly didn't date him because he was a party boy who tried to put the moves on her one night after a concert ("He hadn't even taken me out on a date yet and he tried to kiss me!") and was a bit of a playboy. He had been dating some girl my mom knew while also getting some action on the side ("taking other girls to the hotel when he didn't think people were watching!" -Mom). He even did it to Mom after one of their dates. She went to work for the third shift at the hospital, and one of her friends spotted dad in his 280zx taking a girl to the Irish Inn. They patched things up and stayed together, but I never knew all of this until the other night. Dad had game...

[Jungle Rat]

It's never easy but having the chance to say goodbye is epic. When my dad passed he had the opportunity to express his wishes to every one of my extended family. Mom was different. Fine on Saturday, out of it on Sunday but she too had her say. The hard part is after. Going through stuff, letting the family take momentos and then clearing out the rest. Im still doing it.

[BigRedMan]

Stay strong DS. You sound like the rock in your family and I am sure you will do your father proud.

My mother has Parkinson's and she fell last year on Xmas eve and couldn't reach the phone or call for help. I begged her to go with us to friends house but she wouldn't do it. She laid there all night until the next morning when my brother found her. After that she was only able to live by herself for another 3 months and then moved in with my sister and niece. And sure enough last Saturday she fell while my sister was taking her to the bathroom, she turned around for like 5 seconds and fell. Jacked up the right side of her face with cut and nasty black eye. Fractured her wrist and tore some skin off her arm as well. So for the next 30 days she is in a nursing home to help with her injuries and go through therapy and I go see her everyday at lunch and help feed her. Amazing how much she has gotten worse over the past year and I think she lost a little of bit of her spirit that night she fell a year ago. I feed her like she used to feed me when I was a baby. (Hedge: You feed your mom with a shovel??? - HA STOLE YOUR THUNDER, DICK!)
Amazing enough she still has her mind and has no issues there. My dad died about 3 weeks before our only daughter was born and he went kinda quick after going on kidney treatments and then having a heart attack and he was gone a couple of days later.

Sorry didn't mean to make this a long rant about my stuff. Like I said earlier DS, your strength will get everyone through this time.

[sardis]

My dad was gradually eaten away by cancer over a course of 4 years. My mom had a heartattack in the middle of the night and didn't wake up. The latter is the better way to go, by far, for both them and their loved ones.

It has been a long ordeal for your dad. I remember us talking about Bobcats tickets way back, but dad was too weak to go. I'll be praying for you all through this.

[Ben Washburn]

Good luck, DS--as someone said, stay strong.

So many good guys on this thread, I'm glad you've all stayed together.

[AlabamAlum]

BEN!

[Ben Washburn]

Hey, AA! Sad news, my new boss is an Alabama fan! I guess I'll have to ask him about that white sauce--are you still pushing that??

[Ben Washburn]

I want to ask about a couple of guys if I can--Stu, Cletus, and Charles? Are they still around?

Of course, who knows what names they go by--I think Charles had morphed through about 3 but to me he's still Charles de Gaulle.