The Bottom Ten (10-24-11)

Speaking of Idaho… it’s been a while since I’ve submitted the Bottom Ten (and watching the Colts, Rams, Dolphins and Titans yesterday, I’m in the mood to take a really good and juicy look at abject failure), so…

111. Colorado: The wheels have come off quickly in Boulder, as the Buffaloes have gone from at least being somewhat competitive to just flat out awful. Their performance, at home, against Oregon this past weekend was a sobering case in point. There is no way a decent BCS conference offense should ever be shut out, at home, by what is mostly a mediocre defense. Dan Hawkins not only did a horrible job on the field as the Buff’s previous head coach, but his recruiting outside of five-star recruit Darrell Scott (which didn’t even work out) was a travesty. The Buffs have nothing on offense or defense to give you any real hope for any quick fixes down the line. Maybe enough to be a bit more competitive here and there but nothing to suggest that there will be a bowl game in their near future.

112. Minnesota: And even this may be a bit gratuitous. I feel for Jerry Kill–you know, with his medical condition and such. But the truth of the matter is nothing good is on the horizon in Minneapolis. Outside of the new state-of-the-art football facility, the Gopher program is, well, grounded. Their lone win–a final minute win (at home)–over Miami (OH) should be seen more as an embarrassment for the Red Hawks than anything. The Gophers are THAT bad. To underline it, last weekend’s 41-14 loss to Nebraska was actually an improvement over their previous three weeks on the field. Yuckity yuck!

113. Idaho: In 2009, the Vandals qualified for (and even won) their first ever bowl game and things seemed to be on the up and up in Pocatello. But now things have shifted back to the miserable old days, where U of I can’t get anyone off the field and is a prime candidate to turn the ball over at least three times. However, the biggest problem the Vandals are facing in 2011 is their meager 76 yards per game rushing. Combine that with a very hum drum passing attack and it’s no surprise that they’re at the very bottom nationally in offensive production.

114. Memphis: Which says an awful lot about how bad the teams below are. The Tigers looked their most impressive by far this past weekend in blowing out Tulane in NOLA. That’s about the best you can say about UM, though. That and it can’t get much worse. Well, actually it can, as demonstrated by last year’s Tigers. Still, slow improvement is better than no improvement. What I saw (in flashes) this past weekend was a Memphis team that at least has a couple of young players who can make a play or two. Of course, I also saw Houston run a track meet past Marshall, and the gap between Memphis and Houston right now is almost as wide as the gap between Kim Kardashian’s thighs.

115. UNLV: The Rebels are being outgained by nearly 200 yards per game by their opponents. They’ve suffered a 25-point loss at home to FCS Southern Utah and were shut out recently 37-0 by in-state rival Nevada. Boise State, TCU and San Diego State are still on the schedule. The positive? So is New Mexico.

116. Tulane: Tulane slaughtered UAB on the road a few weeks ago, giving them a 2-1 start to the season. Since then, they’ve lost five straight, having been outscored 207-91 by the likes of Duke, Army, Syracuse, UTEP and, most recently, MEMPHIS! Sorry, but the levees appear to have broken yet again along the Mississippi. Where’s C. Ray Nagin when you need him?

117. Kent State: The Golden Flashes are averaging just 180 yards per game in total offense. Such a shame because defensively they’re actually pretty competitive, giving up, by far, the fewest yards per game among the Bottom Ten (318.9 per, in fact). KSU (1-6) has lost three games by eight points or less. Of course, when you’re averaging just 180 yards a game on offense, an eight point deficit is just as bad as a twenty-eight point deficit.

118. Akron: Not much to say about the Zips other than that there’s clearly a talent disadvantage in the nation’s tire kingdom. Against their three toughtest opponents to start the season (Ohio State, Cincinnati and Temple), the Zips were outscored by a whopping 142-17, giving up at least 41 in each contest. Since then, they’ve rattled off a blowout win over VMI (whooptie whoo!) but have also been bested by the likes of Eastern Michigan, FIU and, just recently, Ohio. Of their six losses, only one was by less than double digits (an eight point loss at Eastern Michigan). Yes, they suck out loud.

119. Florida Atlantic: Beautiful new stadium, horrible old team. I mean, freakin’ horrible. The Owls are not only winless, but they’re averaging just 221 yards and 11.7 points per game. Defensively, they’re below average but not abysmal, like most of the others in the Bottom Ten. They also have a bit of a problem with turnovers, which is a veritable double dose of death when you can’t move the ball to begin with. Given that they can’t crack the shell even against Sunbelt competition it speaks volumes as to how far they’ve fallen since their last bowl appearance a few seasons ago. Such a shame, too. The new facility is gorgeous. Easily the best in the conference. Maybe even better than anything in the MAC, WAC or C-USA as well.

120. New Mexico: Winless, inept, no depth, no direction and, worst of all, no give a damn. Not only was the coaching staff a disaster but now the players simply don’t care. Half of them don’t even want to be there anymore. The 69-0 loss at TCU last weekend was just another shrug your shoulders moment for the program. I was able to witness one TCU long run for a TD in which six different Lobos had a clear shot to tackle the ball carrier. Four of them whiffed (reaching from erect stances and not even bothering to bend their knees to put some leverage and force into the tackle) and the other two didn’t even bother to make an attempt, just sort of ran with the ball carrier as if providing escort. And that’s just the defensive side. Imagine the hilarity that took (takes) place on that side of the ball? I mean, the worst train wreck in all of college football, bar none. At least FAU gives a damn still. Oh, and by the way, the Lobos still have a home game against Air Force as well as road games at both San Diego State and Boise State. Seeing as how they’ve already give up a whopping 343 points in just 7 games, the Lobos could beat out Kansas for most total points allowed by season’s end, especially since, unlike Kansas, the Lobos can’t even put points on the board themselves.